A week ago I was away, in California, but this blog isn't about my time in Disneyland or even my humorous observations of Californians. (Californites?) No, this is about safety, pure and simple... because what can be simpler than:
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No smoking while fleeing from the wreckage
of your doomed aircraft. |
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In the event of a crash landing, pick the child you
like the most. You can only save one. |
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According to FAA Regulations: the landing gear
will not be deployed for water landings. |
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| No cigarettes, no briefcases, no broken heels. |
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Step 1: Use your laser vision to attempt to
break the glass. |
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Step 3: Use the door as a shield to block your fellow
passengers from escaping. |
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| Step 4: Screw this! I'm outta here! |
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| Step 5: High-kick your way down the emergency ramp. |
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| Under no circumstances must you be from the 1990's. |
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Men and women, make sure to not press the red button,
especially when the white box is talking at you. |
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| Do not bring fire, jagged metal, or the ocean onto this plane |
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Step 2: In the event of a water landing find a
friendly mermaid. |
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Do not use... (I'm going to say:) an automatic
scotch tape dispenser that emits loud noises. |
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Rows A: Please exit through the front or rear of the aircraft.
Rows B: Please exit through the side of the aircraft.
Rows C-F: Sorry, you're screwed. |
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