In honor of President's Day I thought it would be best if we remember some of the greatest presidents that never existed.
Honorable Mentions: President Linberg; President Dave Kovic; President James Dale; President Stewart Gilligan Griffin; President David Palmer; and unnamed President from Heroes played by Michael Dorn (I will call him President Worf)
10. President John Quincy Adding Machine (Futurama)Achievements: The First Robot President of Earth. He won by only one vote on the strength of his campaign promise to not to go on a killing spree.
Failures: Like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.
Memorable Quotes: "00110101101011"
Achievements: Oversaw the construction of the great 1996 Ray Gun.
Failures: Enslaved the human race and put an end to the third party vote.
Memorable Quotes: "My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!"
Achievements: Luthor helped America lessen its dependency on fossil fuels through smart and forward thinking policies; rebuilt Gotham City after the devastating Earthquake that nearly destroyed it; coordinated the efforts of the US Armed Forces, allied nations, Earth's Superheroes, and other alien forces to repel the invasion of Imperiex.
Failures: Luthor was eventually impeached, following only three years in office; was revealed that he was responsible for the Gotham Earthquake, and for luring a Kryptonite Asteroid to Earth in an attempt to blame the incident on Superman; was the only president to have a rouge faction of the Justice League invade the White House in an attempt to unseat him from office.
Memorable Quotes: "You can't touch me. We're on American soil now. And I am the president."
Achievements: Reestablished the Colonial Government after the 12 Colonies were destroyed by the Cylons; had visions and prophecies about the direction of the fleet; successfully led a coup of the (then) established military regime directed by Colonel Tigh; regained the presidency from Gaius Baltar after the occupation of New Caprica; fell in love with William Adama (I guess that is a pro or con depending on how you stand); intergrated rebel Cyclons into the Colonial Fleet; successfully led the Colonial Fleet to Earth.
Failures: Had failing health due to breast cancer; Elected Gaius Baltar as Vice President; authorized the use of torture against Baltar and Cyclon prisoners; failed to end black market trading in the fleet; made abortion illegal in the Colonial Fleet (I guess that is a pro or con depending on how you stand); failed to convict Gaius Baltar of his crimes
Memorable Quotes: "Today is a new beginning for all of us. We share a unique destiny, but our future is ours to shape and our past cannot be forgotten."
Achievements: Nixon was responsible for winning the Vietnam Conflict; abolished term limits; enacted the Keene Act; was the original Gerber Baby; had his image on the $1000 and $300 bill; oversaw the creation of the Farnsworth Gravity Pump; staged the moon landing on Venus; fought zombies with Kennedy and Castro; was possibly the head of a criminal organization called the Secret Empire who attempted to take over the United States and discredit Captain America; and opened relations with China.
Failures: Impeached from Office during the Watergate Scandal of 1973.
Memorable Quotes: "Harooo."
Achievements: Round-house kicked the National Debt so hard China now owes us $2.73; established the national system of Kicks and Balances (either you do what President Norris wants or he balances on one foot while kicking you in the face); saved the country millions by disbanding the secret service; sent Iran a signed picture of himself (they have since closed down their nuclear program and are readily complying with all UN sanctions,) graduated from the Electoral College; and personally collected every US penny in circulation and melted them down to create a scaled replica of his beard.
Failures: None
Memorable Quotes: "A lot of people give up just before they're about to make it. You never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one, and for most people I am their last obstacle."
Achievements: Granted amnesty to illegal immigrants from the Americas; appointed the first Hispanic supreme court justice; appointed the first female chief justice; negotiated a peace settlement between Israel and Palestine; created over a million new jobs; provided strong support for alternative energy; and orchestrated a revolutionary reform plan to the US Social Security system. He was considered the most successful and beloved Democratic President in recent US history, (and I mean in real life.)
Failures: Considered weak on military issues; suffered from multiple sclerosis; was shot; resigned the presidency for a brief time during the kidnapping crisis of his daughter; considered bad with names; and (his biggest failing according to the audience) is that he was fictional.
Memorable Quotes: "'We hold these truths to be self-evident,' they said, 'that all men are created equal.' Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down.... Decisions are made by those who show up."
Achievements: Nuked Houston; saved the Earth from alien invasion; personally led the assault from the cockpit of a fighter jet; and gave one of the best damn speeches in presidential history.
Failures: Allowed most of the United States' major cities to get destroyed; was considered a weak "Bill Pullman-esque" president before the invasion; and ultimately he failed to secede the presidency to Will Smith.
Memorable Quotes: "In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences any more. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist and should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on, we're going to survive.' Today we celebrate our independence day!"
Achievements: Strong on terrorism; had the first female Vice President; kicked major terrorist a$$ with nothing but his fists; and made the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs.
Failures: Failed to intervene sooner in the terrorist regime of General Ivan Radek of Kazakhstan; failed to escape Air Force One after it was taken over by Radek loyalists, (because as the President of the United States it is usually not a good decision to stay aboard a hijacked airplane); chose Glen Close as his Vice President.
Memorable Quotes: "Real peace is not just the absence of conflict, it is the presence of justice."
Achievements: The first African American president; entered into an agreement with Russia to construct the Messiah spacecraft; authorized the construction of a large underground bunker complex below Missouri; declared martial law to keep the peace; and is Morgan Freeman.
Failures: Beck failed to stop the comet which he could have at any moment, since he is also God. (Morgan Freeman works in mysterious ways.)
Memorable Quotes:
Happy President's Day.
Love how you used a picture of Bill Pullman from Spaceballs instead of ID. Classic!
ReplyDeleteI know most would say it about Sleepless in Seattle, but no matter what those critics say I will always believe Bill Pullman truly peaked under the gentle caressing hand of Mel Brooks.
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