Vote Nerd

The Symbol of the National Nerd Political Party or 2N2P.

If you are like me than maybe you are a little fed up with politics. It seems like there are never any good candidates to choose from and the decisions that Congress actually make we usually do not care about, while the decisions we would like to see never wind up happening (Like a national holiday for the Monday after Superbowl.) Speaking from experience (I worked in politics for almost two years), the political arena is nothing more than the biggest reality show that America has ever produced. Except instead of getting drunk and harmlessly puking on a creature called Snooki, our politicians spend so much time infighting and adhering to radical extremist values that nothing ever really gets accomplished. Ultimately the only ones who ever seem to benefit from politics is politicians. Now let me clarify one thing before I continue, Democracy is not a perfect system, but it is the best we have. Also, it is unfair to lump all politicians together. Some of them are actually very good at their job and do care about the greater good, but more and more it feels like they are sometimes the exception and not the rule.

Reasonably, (unless you are an extremist radical hippie or a right-wing Christian evangelist,) you probably do not agree with every single decision, belief, or idea that either party spouts, even if you associate yourself as a Republican or Democrat. According to USA Today, between 2008 and 2012 registration in the Democratic Party has dropped by 800,000 people and Republican registration has dropped by 350,000 while Independents have increased their membership by 325,000 people. Most Americans have always associated with more of a Centrist rather than a true Right or Left view of government, but the unfortunate thing is that those centrist rarely get everything they want. The sad fact of politics is that the more parties become galvanized the further away from those reasonable centrist views they move. So most independents and non-declared citizens ultimately end up voting not for a candidate they want but against a candidate that they see as the greater of two evils.

Ultimately this results in voter apathy, low turn outs, and a feeling of helplessness. We feel like nothing will ever change because (unless you are one of the hardcore political believers) you feel like your beliefs and ideas are never truly represented... and you are right. Really what this means is that we should not be looking to reform the electoral process or the inner workings of the government so much as we should be looking to reform the political system and the politicians who are a part of it.

So forget Democrats and Republicans, the answer to our prayers has been under our noses the whole time, Nerds. As the National Nerd Political Party (2N2P from this point on) we can find a better way to run a political party that will put forth viable and exciting candidates. After all, the motto of the 2N2P is We just don't represent our party, we represent America. The 2N2P encourages its candidates to think about every decision as part of the larger picture, not based upon the political interests of the party, because the party has no political interests. As a Centrist Party we believe that extreme beliefs are usually wrong. Too much ice cream can be just as bad as too much nuclear war.

A lot of the problems in American politics is ego. Think about whenever you watch any argument made in Congress (Because we have all been bored and flipped on CSPAN for a few hours) it usually is more akin to a squabble between two 8 year olds fighting over who gets to ride a bike next as opposed to any  intellectual or fair-minded debate between professionals. That is because members of political parties tend to be more concerned with playing there part as a good Democrat or a good Republican than listening to any reasonable argument. Thus, regardless of the sense of a suggestion made by the opposing party, most politicians would rather blindly stick their heels in the sandbox and call the other one a poo-poo head. Congress (like a website forum) becomes a place where people fight for the sake of fighting, because they would rather the other person be wrong, even if they are not right themselves. (AND I am talking about BOTH parties.)

Maybe that is because the only way politicians can keep their "jobs" is by keeping their party happy (not the voters.) It is the party that ultimately decides who gets put up for what position, who advances and who falls into obscurity. Mostly that means the person with the biggest wallet or sometimes even the person who is the most extreme. Both parties are so marred down in their own internal party politics that if a person is not considered "viable" in their own party, they will never see the light of day as a candidate. I mean, think about it, being an elected official is the only job you do not need any qualifications for. You do not need prior experience, intern training, or even a college degree. As long as you can convince enough people to vote for you, the job is yours.  



A sampling of the questions on the written exam.

However, in the 2N2P our candidates will not be picked based upon their blind adherence to doctrine or dogma, in fact we encourage our candidates to be free thinkers and find creative solutions to problems. Instead, we pick our candidates based upon a series of tests that we conduct. Applying to be a candidate will be like applying for a job. You must submit a letter of interest and a resume. There will then be an interview process followed by a written exam which will quiz our potential candidates on general knowledge, leadership potential, moral and ethical standards, pop culture, and possible psychic potential. If the candidates score well on the written exam and during the interview process then they will move on to the physical challenge, where they will be tested for strength, mental acuity, leadership abilities, endurance, speed, comedic performances, hand eye-coordination, and martial arts abilities. (You never know when the President may have to retake a hijacked airplane.) 

Once candidates have passed the internal party tests they will be placed into the race with the full support and backing of the party. From that point on their only mandate is do what is best for the country as a whole, and not for the party, or even strictly for those that voted them. After all, being a member of Congress or even the President does not simply mean you are making decisions for just Democrats or just Republicans, but for everybody. A fair and open-minded approach to political arguments and decisions is not only refreshing but is arguably the most reasonable approach to any situation. Some people may say we are a party tha believes in nothing, but actually we are a party that believes in what works.

Moreover, the 2N2P will reserve the right to recall candidates in any subsequent elections if they are not living up to these standards. That means, even if a candidate is likely to win but if they breach their own promises, betray their own beliefs, or even begin taking money from special interest groups for their campaign, the 2N2P Supreme Council may remove them from the running as a 2N2P candidate and select a replacement to run in their stead. This also reinforces the idea that being an elected official is not a job, it is a civic service.

I like them all, except maybe for that old-man at the end.
He seems like he's up to something... I got my eye on you
Ron Paul

A candidate is not elected so that they can do whatever it takes to remain in office for the next thirty years and collect a pension. That is not how the Greeks, the Romans, or even our own founding fathers envisioned how a democratic republic works. If you are making decisions based upon what will get you reelected you are not doing your job. All 2N2P candidate will understand that they could very well be one-term officials, because as a Congressman, Senator, President, etc you are elected to be a leader, and sometimes leaders have to make hard and unpopular decisions. Just because they are hard or unpopular does not make them wrong. No child wants to be told to go to bed or that they shouldn't put a fork in an electrical socket, but if parent don't enforce these rules that child will ultimately regret their decisions in the long run. Elected officials are not meant to be our "cool hey-I-am-your-pal parental figures." Elected officials are meant to make the vital and tough decisions no one else has the guts to make. Unfortunately, those type of politicians are as rare as unobtanium (and almost as fictional.)

That is why we need to change the quality of our candidates, not just the process by which they are elected. After all, it doesn't matter how many regulations, laws, or restrictions we put on the system, as long as we do not have people with solid morals and governmental ethics they will always find loopholes in any system. That's why despite shutting down Napster, Metallica still loses millions of dollars to online piracy every year. People will always find a way to work around a system if they do not have the convictions to believe that what they are doing is wrong.

Thus, we come back to only true solution to the problem, the 2N2P, because if you really think about it nerds are perfect for this position. Most are already considered outcasts, free thinkers, and are stereotypically above average in intelligence. These kind of traits already give many nerds a head start on being qualified to run for office under the 2N2P banner. However, once selected as a candidate all 2N2P candidates will also attend a 6 week training course that will teach them effective leadership strategies, creative problem solving, and fair-minded decision making. There will also be a talent show held annually at the closing of each candidate school.

Since this entry is running longer than a campaign promise I will end it with this. We need people in office who will not think about what is best for them. We need people who will think about what is best for everyone. We need a centrist party to help restore sanity to Washington, because as Americans we all tend to fall somewhere is the middle and right now that means we all tend to fall through the cracks.