Red Dumb

Ironically in most of Hemsworth's movies he seems to
have brother issues... also buns of steel.

I have been slowly coming to a realization over the past few years. Either Hollywood is becoming dumber or I am becoming smarter. (That's for my reader to decide.) Then again, maybe "smarter" is not the right word. It is just an awareness of the world around me, but unfortunately the same cannot be said about movies. Maybe, that is why I like fantasy and science fiction movies, because I feel more willing to suspend my sense of disbelief when stepping onto the fields of Middle Earth or  the deck of the Enterprise (though sufficed to say, I had more than a few problems with the last two movies in both those franchises as well.) Regardless my point seems to be: the more I watch "mainstream" movies, the more I find myself pointing out their flaws instead of enjoying any of the good parts.

Let me backtrack and explain where this is all coming from. The other night I was bored and flipping through Netflix (often the start of any disappointing adventure.) The Internet streaming service offered me, Red Dawn, (The remake, not the original), because it was just new to Netflix, and though I had no real desire to see the movie I decided to watch it. It's the same reasoning I use when someone leaves cake out at my work. I don't really want it, but damn you, it's cake. Maybe I was in the mood for action, or possibly just hoping that it might turn out to be a prequel to Thor, (or a follow-up to Drake and Josh.) I was let down on all accounts, and not because it was a terrible movie, (it was,) but because I couldn't get past the fact that the premise of the plot was ridiculous, (and mind you, I am the same person that will defend to the death a movie about a man in a bat suit fighting a man dressed up as a clown.) Character-wise and even plot-wise, I actually have no real major complaints (other than the fact that I cared very little for the characters or the course of the story in general.) Again it was like that office cake. As long as you get around the artificial sugar and texture it wasn't that bad, but it also wasn't that good. Now both have left me with a feeling of reget.

Pictured: North Korea's Special Weapons Laboratory

Red Dawn bases itself on the premise that North Korea is somehow able to develop a weapon that can knock out all American electronic equipment while still leaving their own operational. You know because a country that has spent years struggling to develop a nuclear weapon (a weapon we have been able to build since before "TV" was a thing,) and cannot feed its people could easily develop a highly technological and specialized EM pulse weapon that defies the laws of electromagnetism. What irks me the most, is that the opening and cliched "news footage montage," played up the idea of the danger of cyber terrorism and enemy hackers being a problem, and then immediately never mentioned it again as soon as we saw Chris Hemsworth. I could have much more readily believed that a talented enemy hacker(s) were capable of crashing America's outdated and vulnerable energy grid than the fact that North Korea developed some kind of sci-fi super weapon... and the result for the plot would have been the same. It didn't even go to the trouble of setting it even ten or fifteen years in the future. No, Hemsworth's character is a US marine home after fighting in Afghanistan, and along with shots of President Obama, that sets the plot solidly in the present.

And that is my real issue with the movie, because in the current geo-socio-economic-poltical climate, the movie is completely impossible, and utterly ridiculous. Therein, lies the root of the problem with Red Dawn and movies like it. They require me to completely forget everything that is going on in the world that would very easily invalidate the very cornerstone they are built upon. So instead of suspending my belief they just remind me how stupid the premise is, over and over and over again. I had a very similar problem with Olympus is Fallen with Gerard Butler, (a movie that friend and I saw on a boring rainy Saturday.) They want to be as realistic as possible, but then hit us with a scenario that defies all real-world logic.

Both movies start to suffer at the same point. They both try to turn North Korea into some kind of super-badass threat, when in truth, Kim Jong Crazy and ilk are barely blips on the "threat to America" scale. Yet for movies they are the closest thing we have to modern day cohesive villains. (Now more than ever, I think Hollywood is really missing the Soviets and the Nazis.) Granted they still remain a threat to places like South Korea and even Japan, but a country that has to photoshop in additional military vehicles into their own army propaganda posters are not really going to be threatening the mainland US anytime soon. Both movies also suffer by asking their audience to forget that there are things outside of America or even outside the movie plot. Red Dawn is especially guilty of this.

Unless North Korea plans to attack us with crappy
picture-editing skills, I think we're pretty safe.

The movie says that North Korea is able to not only attack but invade both coasts of the United States, (with some veiled and "never fully discussed" help from Russia, because "hey remember those guys,") completely by surprise. Then aside from some of the mid-western states, the Koreans are then able to hold and control a conquered America, (not even just the west coast, which would have made it at least a little more believable... a little more.) I spent the rest of the movie waiting for a more detailed explanation of how this happened, but the closest thing we get is some half-assed explanation about how North Korea has the fourth largest army in the world... and though that is an accurate fact, do you know who has the second largest army in the world? The United States... (I looked up the original movie on Wikipedia, and found that the old movie has a much more cohesive and comprehensive background that sets it in an alternate timeline, but at least makes the invasion credible and possible.) 

Also this movie's crackpot explanation about some kind of EM pulse weapon goes right out the window because for the rest of the movie we watch characters not only drive cars, but turn on lights, and use their cell phones to take pictures. The movie also conveniently forgets things like the fact that America has satellites and radar, things that can monitor troop or vehicle movement (and, no doubt right now, there are at least a dozen of those things pointed at North Korea) and would notice anything leaving the Korean peninsula, like a large invasion force. Also the movie forgets that other countries are a thing. What about Canada and Mexico? Did they get invaded? Don't you think our North American allies might have a problem with the occupation of the US? And what about Europe? I think the UK might try to step in. Germany, Spain, Belgium, hell even France would probably bat an eye lash or two. Also the United States military has (by some accounts) almost 1,000 permanent and temporary bases located in at least 38 countries around the world. I feel like they would definitely have something to say on the matter. Even China would probably get a little pissed off. I mean who is going to buy all the crap being pumped out of their factories? I just can't wrap my head around this premise. A Galactic Empire controlled by an evil space sorcerer and his asthmatic robot helper... sure... Josh Peck waging a guerrilla campaign against North Korean invaders... nope.

"Mr. Secretary we have one hour to evacuate our troops
from South Korea or they execute the President..."
"Sir, we have roughly 28,500 military personnel, hundreds
of land, air, and sea vehicles, multiple bases of operation,
and large detachments of our Pacific Fleet currently in and
around South Korea, and you want them evacuated in 24
hours? That's just physically impossible, and stupid."

The fact is, my awareness of things like "the world," completely shatters this type of movie for me. I can't even enjoy it as some kind of sugary American patriot porn. The movie very much wants the audience to be all, "Huzzah!" over the fact that a ragtag band of American rebels is fighting and dying against a large evil empire bent on taking away their freedoms and enslaving their land. That's almost the kind of idea I can get behind, then the movie goes and reminds us that Hemsworth's character was a marine in Afghanistan, and understands how the invading Koreans feel and think, and then the Wolverines get irrevocably associated with terrorist attacks... and then we all feel kind of crappy again. Because suddenly the movie starts to seem less like a rip off of an old Cold War action movie, and more like a sad and ironic allegory for the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan... Huzzah? (Even that I would find at least a little interesting if it was intentionally done by the writers and directors of the movie... it wasn't.)

I would say that these types of movies are aimed at the less aware and more self-involved Americans out there, but I don't even believe that is true. I mean the movie tanked at the box office, as did a movie that recently asked us to believe that Jamie Fox was the President of the United States. So, I am not entirely sure of what audiences these types of movies are aimed at. The truth is that in today's globalized environment, the world is not the only thing that is shrinking. The number of people who are less aware of what is going on in the world shrink a little bit each day with the speed of a Google search. Whereas in the past these movies may have been nothing more than a bit of "pointless fun," now they just seem demeaning to the national intelligence of the country, if not the world. Hollywood is going to have to wake up and realize that (nor it's movies) can no longer exists in isolated bubbles of explosions and attractive Australian actors. On the other hand, these are the types of movies that come out during the dead and sad months between Summer and Christmas, after the Iron Mans of the world have gone away and the Hunger Games have yet to start. 

So maybe that is the answer. Maybe these movies really are just like that cake that got left out in the break room. Nobody really wants them, they're just there, and at first look seem halfway decent, coated in sugar, a hint of something sweet, maybe even with a colorful topping. Your first bite isn't even that bad. You think for a moment, "okay, this might have been worth it," but by the halfway point you begin to understand the true journey of disappointment you have embarked on. Yet, you power through because let no one ever say that you didn't see this crappy piece of trash through to the end. Once its over you set aside your plate and look at the crumbs of despair left behind by the misery you just endured, and all you feel is a little sick and yet still strangely empty on inside, almost as if there was nothing satisfying about what you just ingested. All you are left with is disgust and regret, and some vague hope to justify what you just did... At least Chris Hemsworth kept his shirt on.

Pond of Consciousness: What Should this Blog be About?

It should probably be about Thanksgiving, what with the holiday coming up and all. There I go talking all timey-whimey-Matt-Smithish. I even said that last line in my head with a bad British accent. (cheerio, pip pip) Then again you can hardly blame me. I mean less than 24-hours ago I watched the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special and I am still on some kind of electric high. Geronimo. "So in other words, you're going to write this entire post in some kind of bad British accent," said the running monologue in my head. "Probably," replied the rational part of my brain which realizes I am only actually talking to myself, but that's not the point. I need to stay focused. I should do a Thanksgiving blog post. I can make a top ten list of the nerdy things I am most thankful for... Oh God, not another list. Why don't you just give in and admit half your ideas are ripped from Cracked.com and the other half aren't even worth mentioning... I have a few good ideas. People liked my old Aquaman post... (Black Vulcan was Aquaman's idea. And I said, "Well, maybe we should just call you White Fish!") Still living in the old triumphs, are we? That was a year ago. What have you written since, ehh? (Who would have thought Matt Smith could sound so harsh.) I could do a Doctor Who post... oh because if your readers aren't sick of lists, they're certainly not sick of hearing you go on about Doctor Who: Doctor Who is like Superman... Doctor Who makes me sad... etc... etc... It's all well and good I suppose, but why can't you try to be at least a little bit original. Besides what can you say about the 50th special that ten thousand other bloggers across the world haven't already said by now. If you have nothing new to add to conversation then why even open your mouth. Anything you add at this point would be entirely unimportant. In my 1,200 years of life I have never heard anyone say anything unimportant... I am thirsty. Why is my water bottle empty? It's always empty when I'm at my thirstiest. The water fountain is so far away. I should probably throw this bottle away anyway, not that I believe that bollix about carcinogens in reused Poland Spring bottles, and even if I did this is a Nestle's bottle... When did Nestle's move away from chocolate, and why do I always use British curses in my head... Can water bottles give me cancer? I should check... Does reusing... Oh Google filled it in for me... I guess a lot of people are worried about this... Snopes says its False... well mixed. Awesome, and I refuse to check anymore sites because I got the answer I wanted. I will not get cancer, at least not from water bottles. Suck it cancer... There that sounded American... Is it too much to ask for an American Doctor, or at the very least an American companion, preferably a thirsty office worker who wants to see the world but feels somewhat stuck in his middling job working at a desk and trying to be a writer. Maybe someone who traveled to Australia for a year... Just saying... then again an American Doctor is kind of a slap in the face to the Brits. I mean America has such a monopoly on the television industry, we shouldn't take this one away form them. I mean America got Captain Jack Harkniss (sort of), and that's pretty damn good... (Someone walked into my office) Anyway, I think I'll go with the Thanksgiving idea, but what am I thankful for? I just finally watched the first Hunger Games the other day. I'm thankful for the fact that I don't live in that fantasy world, even if it is just a tamer version of Battle Royale. I know those books have a loyal fan base, but I can't see anyone really getting into those books too far, for the simple fact that living in that world would not be a desirable option. I mean people who love Harry Potter want to go to Hogwarts. Trekkies want to go to Starfleet Academy, Star Wars people want to race around the galaxy in an X-Wing or with Han in the Falcon. Even people who like Game of Thrones probably wouldn't mind spending a few days in Westeros, as long as you stay away from attending any weddings, but with Hunger Games I just can't see it. "Oh I wish I was from one of the poor districts and I got offered up for a battle to the death against other kids... Yee haw..." Yee haw? That was a weird one... Allons-y... how do you spell "allons-y..." Google to the rescue... Really, it's just a "y" with no "e" at the end... I think I knew that. Of course, you new that, after the fact. You always think you know something after you learn it. That's like predicting the end of the movie after you watch it... Now I should write about how some movies are easier to predict than others, then talk about the Hunger Games again and bring it back around... Low blow, it's a young adult novel, after all. It's not exactly Storm of Swords... (another person walked into my office.) Where was I? I need to refocus my thoughts. Writing about what you're thinking to write about and then writing about writing about it, is waaaay too meta... Then again the name of the blog is Meta-Humanity... I made a funny... No seriously that's the point. It's examining life through the lens of our world, pop culture, nerd culture, fantasy, sci-fi, cartoons, world events, politics, why I still haven't filled my water bottle... You know who I would like to meet, Ian Mckellen and Patrick Stewart, preferably together. They don't even have to talk to me. I just want them to play chess against one another... I would be thankful for that... and he brings it around full circle back to the whole Thanksgiving motif. Oh you are a clever boy. I should also be thankful for things like friends, family, my beautiful/amazing/wonder/hot girlfriend (I wonder if she will read this), my health, and all the usual rubbish. I am thankful for my book which is going so very well. I just wish I had more time to work on it. Yeah, but I don't like mentioning my long-term writing projects in my blog. It seems so conceited... "Oh you should all check out my novel. It is stupendously stupendous. I am the most talented writer you will ever meet... blah blah." Maybe I should be thankful for abstract things like love and hate, the written language, WaWa turkey sandwiches. Yes, defiantly the gobbler turkey sandwich. WaWa is so on my list. So let's see, that's Doctor Who, the fact that I don't live in the Hunger Games, WaWa, health/happiness/etc... How many is that? Four? I just need six more, but I think that is my best bet. I will write this week's blog on my Thanksgiving thankfulness-ness, or is that too close to my last blog where I gave all that advice? Oh, screw it, I'll just do another stream of consciousness blog. 

30 Years of Advice

So I turned thirty this past week. It was bitter sweet as it now officially means I am a quarter of the way through my life. However, looking back on the past thirty years I realize I have grown and changed in ways I never expected. So much like the great master Yoda, himself I feel a bit more qualified at my advanced age to dole out some sage wisdom. "When 30 years old you reach, look this good you will not." 

1. Distraction is not a dirty word. I am not saying that you should procrastinate yourself into a problem, but (as long as you are not in a critical position, such as the front line of a battlefield,) allowing yourself to get distracted every now and then is now a bad thing. Distraction can calm nerves, rest tired brain cells, and even open up worlds to new possibilities. After all, if we all focused on what was in front of us the whole time, no one would ever stop to look around and see the beauty of the world or the humorous memes on Facebook.

2. Exercise your body and mind. Keeping your body in shape is incredibly important as you get older, but it is just as important to keep your mind in shape. You would be surprised how quickly both atrophy after you leave the comforts of school for the monotony of the work world. Much as you take for granted the regular exercise of gym class, you also take for granted the regular mind exercising benefits of academic classes. You need something to challenge you, both mentally and physically, because if either goes you will find yourself facing a slew of health risks as you get older. Also, you just feel better.

3. Always have goals set for yourself. When you're in school, regardless of what else is going on, you always have that overarching goal of graduation ahead of you. Whether you found reaching that goal to be difficult or easy is irrelevant. The goal itself gave your life structure. You always felt as if you were heading somewhere. Always set a new goal for yourself, even if it is mundane. Maybe you want that next promotion or that bigger house. Maybe you want to finish that novel or even finish that video game. Goals are like wind in your sails. Even if they are small, they still push you in a direction.

4. Do something extremely difficult. Along those same lines, remember to challenge yourself. Pick a task you would otherwise consider crazy challenging to achieve. I am not talking about unrealistic life goals, like becoming a professional actor or pop star. I mean challenge yourself to do something difficult you would not normally do. This could be as simple as running a marathon or learning German. You may not succeed, but that's not the point. I promise you there is a lot of merit in hard work, and if you are willing to make the effort you will be rewarded in ways you cannot foresee.

5. See the world. When we get stuck in the same geographical location we grew up in, we tend to fix our opinions and goals to fit that small little box in which we are so comfortable. Seeing that there is a world and a life outside your day to day routine is the easiest and best a mind-expanding experience you can have. Even if it's just escaping your part of the state for a while, I promise you, your POV will change. As an experiment, open Google Maps, zoom in on a foreign city, turn on street view, and imagine what it would be like to be a person on that street. Now picture doing that for real.

6. You are never too old for cartoons. Cartoons are awesome. They are animated bits of nostalgia that not only entertain but help bring you back to a simpler time in your life. Sometimes it is important to remember what it was like to be a kid and the wonder you felt at the world. If you can recapture that, (or even better keep it with you as an adult,) I promise it will do wonders for your life. Always grow older, but try not to grow up.

7. Being a leader sucks. Seriously, it does. Abraham Lincoln was a great leader, but when you look at what he had to go through to achieve it, it sucked. He went through hell to do the right thing and still got shot for it. Leadership is not a privileged it's a burden. You work three times as hard as the people underneath you, you take all the crap for any mistakes they make, and you take none of the credit for their accomplishments, and that's just if you are doing it right. If you're doing it wrong, there will be even more disasters waiting for you down the line. No sane person should ever want to be a leader.

8. Be a leader. Leadership, despite all the hardship, is one of the most rewarding tasks a person can accomplish. Yet, don't do it for fame, or fortune, or glory, or power. Do it because you care about the goal and the people you are leading. Don't shy away from the opportunity when it arises. It will be hard, and you will want to quit at times, or throw things at those who are under you, but when you get your subordinates across that finish line you will finally understand what the rewards of true leadership are about.

9. Leave better than when you arrived, both externally and internally. Pick up the trash from the floor and put it in the trash can, turn off a running faucet, fix a tilted picture, but don't forget about yourself. You should walk away from experiences and try to take the positive from them, even if they are traumatic and horrible. Take it as a compliment, or a lesson, or whatever, but become a better person because of the experience you just underwent. It's one of the hardest bits of advice I have to offer, and one I still struggle with myself.

10. Have regrets. Regrets are part of life and love (and especially high school.) The trick is not about having "no regrets," but about not letting yourself be consumed by them. Take them as lessons. Build upon them so that you don't repeat them, and become a better person because of it. If you use your regrets as building blocks in the foundation of who you are, then they stop being regrets and start simply being experiences that help shape who you are.

11. Get into a fight at least once in your life. Get punched, punch someone else, and just get injured. I don't care if it happens in a dojo, in a boxing ring, or on the schoolyard. I am not suggesting you go out and start a fight, but when you have been in a physical altercation, all of a sudden they don't seem that scary and you get a little more confidence in yourself. Knowing how to fight (or at least knowing you can take a punch) will raise your confidence when interacting with others, because you realize that there is nothing they can physically do to you that you can't take. You also understand what it means to inflict harm on others, and you will probably be less likely to do it. After all, no one understands peace like a veteran of war.

12. Be poor at least once in your life. Nothing makes you respect money (or its responsible use) like having been poor for a time. If you spend a year living on nothing but peanut butter and bread you tend to appreciate what it means to have a steak. You will appreciate driving a brand new corvette if you know what it means to drive a broken down clunker. In a world where more and more people are racking up debt and not even batting an eyelash, learning to live within your means is a much needed skill set.

13. Be the change... Live your life as you want others to live theirs. Too often the good of a message gets lost in the hypocrisy of the speaker. Don't be a hypocrite but don't be a televangelist either. Live your life as if everyone is looking to you to set the example. You would be surprised how many people notice your actions even if they are not accompanied by words.

14. Friends are more important than things. You know what I want for my birthday every year? All I want is my friends to take me out to a nice restaurant or bar and buy me a beer or even a nice dinner. I don't want money, or watches, or stuff. I just want my friends to be around me and to show that I am an important person in their lives. Ultimately, stuff fades away, but it is the memory and the impact of the people around you that stay with you. A good conversation with friends is worth ten Xbox Ones.

15. Floss. Everything else on this list is opinion, but it is proven fact that flossing every day helps prevent tartar build-up, protects your gums, and saves you from expensive and painful dental procedures later in life. It even helps prevent all sorts of diseases, from bad breath to heart disease to diabetes. Floss every day, you will be glad you did.

16. Think before you open your mouth, then do it anyway. Think what impact your words will have on other people. Decide if what you are about to say will make sense, be intelligent, be funny, or even be considered relevant. Take all that into consideration, (reorder your thoughts if need be,) but never censor your speech because you are afraid. Do not waste your words on senseless bigotry, hate, or stupidity, but if you have a legitimate complaint, question, opinion, etc, speak it. Others may find it offensive or disagree, but as long as you took the time to present it in the a thoughtful and respectable (or funny) manner then you have the right to voice it. 

17. There is no right way to look at the world. Everyone is different and everyone sees the world in their own way. Buddhists, Catholics, Nerds, Europeans, Fish, Children, Women, Cyborgs, everyone has had experiences that have shaped who they are and how they interact with the world around them. As a fellow citizen of the planet it is your responsibility to take that into consideration when interacting with other people. Respect their world views and maybe even learn from them. However, just because you respect another person's opinion does not mean you have to agree with them. 

18. Read the books you want to read. Reading is so incredibly important for everyone. It helps with comprehension, critical thinking, vocabulary, creativity, and so much more. It is vitally important that you read, even if it is something trashy. Books can be a great passion, so embrace them and have fun, and read as much as you can. As long as you are entertained by it and enjoy it, do not let anyone else tell you to what to read.

19. Read the books they want you to read. By they, I mean teachers. Make sure you also use reading as another way to challenge yourself. Every now and then, read something you would not normally pick up. Maybe try a "classic," by Shakespeare or Twain. I hated reading Catcher in the Rye, but at least I read it, (and now I can bash it from a knowledgeable standpoint.) Also, it challenged me to think in ways I would not normally have done. Books can be entertaining but also enriching. Pick up something new and accept the challenge it offers.

20. Don't ask for help, (unless you really need it.) Too often I see people get frustrated with a problem or a device (or whatever) and their first impulse is to ask for help. There is great benefit in asking someone else for help with a problem, but only after you have exhausted your own brain power. Step back, take a look at the problem, assess it, and take five minutes and try to figure it out. Worst comes to worst, you still have to ask for help or Google the problem away, but I think you will surprise yourself how intuitive and creative you can be when you are willing to put in the effort to try.

21. Accept kindness when it is offered. Self-reliance can be an asset, but you should never turn away an offered hand. If someone is willing to help you or offer you a piece of advice or even a kind word, don't reject it off-hand. Small acts of compassion are the minor miracles that life sometimes offers us. Additionally, these small kindnesses are often as much about the giver as the receiver. If you reject someone's offer you risk rejecting part of them or the chance to get to know them better.

22. Study science. Science is the laws of the world we live in. Studying those laws not only tells us more about our world and about how we came to be, but it also gives us a glimpse into the true wonderment of life. Physics, biology, chemistry, astronomy, and all the rest offer surprising insights into the world around us, and surprising beauty.

23. Study religion, or at least mythology. Religion is more than just the stories we tell ourselves to explain how the world works. It is a collection of beliefs that informs the opinions of billions of people around the world. Christianity, Islam, Taoism, and all the rest offer insights into the minds of people and the world at large, and gives thousands of ideas and stories of surprising beauty and grace.

24. Listening is better than talking. You learn so much from people when you just shut your mouth every now and then. I am not saying that you should embrace the role of passive observer, but whatever you are, be an observer as well. Also, when someone you know is having a bad day, sometimes the best you can do is listen. People don't always need advice or to have their words matched with more words. They just want a sympathetic ear, and to know that someone cares enough to pay attention. Sometimes the best thing you can do in life is just pay attention.

25. Gluttony is a sin for a reason. Too much of anything is bad, but as you grow older you will realize that too much food or drink is not as fun as it used to be. Metabolism slows, livers fail, and what once took you hours to recover from now turns into days. I promise, there will come a time when a carrot seems more appealing than a chocolate bar. Moderation is the key to balance, both in health and in happiness. Basically avoid any word that starts with "over" or "binge" and your body will thank you for it.

26. Love is more important than lust. There is so much more to love and beauty than just appearance, and as easy as this advice sounds, it takes many many years before you even begin to fully realize the truth of it. Sometimes in life our opinions and judgements get so clouded by physical beauty (both in relationships and in other aspects of life,) that we ignore other factors or warnings. Things like compassion, friendship, kindness, and real love stay well after beauty has faded. Most importantly, never throw away something special for momentary temptation.

27. If it scares you, do it. I am not talking about jumping out of a plane without a parachute or wrestling a tiger, (but then again...) When opportunities arise that initially scare you, (maybe they are too hard or require too much effort,) those are the things you should pursue the hardest. You need to step outside of your comfort zone and take on tasks that challenge you and force you to grow as a person. if you grow your comfort zone, you grow your confidence. The fears you conquer will be the things that you will be most proud of when you look back on your life.

28. Don't be a what, be a who. People should never ask children, "what do you want to be when grow up. Instead we should ask, "who do you want to be when you grow up." The more you experience in the life, the more you realize that the "what" is crap. If your life is so empty that you have to define it by your job title, then you missed the point. The best advice I can offer is to be the kind of person you want to be, the rest will follow. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if I am a mailmen or rocket scientist, I would still rather be a good person.

29. Have opinions on things that matter. It is fine if you have no opinion on where to eat or what to watch, or even if Greedo shot first. However, make sure you have opinions on subjects that affect your world, your life, and those around. Even more important, make sure that your opinions are researched. Do not take what other people say at face value. Do your own research and your own fact checking. Get varying opinions and both sides of the story. Use the Internet for more than cat videos.

30. Don't take advice from blog posts. Most people who post "advice" for other people are usually pretentious morons with over inflated egos and advanced BS degrees in things like "Comparative Literature." Everyone's life is different and their experiences are unique. Take what you read with a grain of salt, save the good, and ignore the bad/stupid. Live your life as you need to live it and don't change it unless you want to. Now... A cat video...

The Be Kind Rewind

It supposed to resemble a movie ticket, back when those
didn't require you to take out a second mortgage to buy one.

Did you ever hear that song by Bob Dylan, The Times They are a-Changing. For people like me, you can best identify it as the song at the beginning of the Zack Snyder's Watchmen. Anyway, in the song the mumbling crooner states, "There's a battle outside/And it's ragin'/It'll shake your windows/And rattle your walls/For the times they are a-changing." It makes for a nice tune and some nice visuals, but I don't think Dylan always got it right with this one. change doesn't always come at the point of some revolutionary upheaval. Sometimes change is not a great battle. Sometimes it is nothing more than a whimper and a faded whisper. Such is the case of Blockbuster video.

For the younger readers, Blockbuster video, was a video renting store. (A queer and anecdotal establishment that people of the future will view with the same bewilderment and disgust that we view France's 18th century game of cat burning, or the fad of pole-sitting from the 1920's.) It was first started in Dallas, Texas in 1985, founded by a database manager. He set up a huge warehouse in Garland and began franchising out his store with the idea of customizing each store to hold video rentals that best suited the neighborhoods they were in. The idea took off like a Saturn V rocket. In 1987 the company even won a law suit against Nintendo and was allowed to begin renting video games, a revolutionary concept for the time. Blockbuster, somewhat unscrupulously, spent the late 80's and early 90's buying up any rival video rental company they could find and turning their stores into Blockbusters. Ironically, in 2000, they passed up on buying a little known video rental company called Netflix, for a steal price of $50 million. Unfortunately, like a Saturn V rocket they also eventually had to reenter Earth's atmosphere. They came crashing down just as unceremoniously, only to be deemed outdated and put on a shelf in a museum. Though, Blockbuster tried to start offering mail-rentals to compete with Netflix, by the time video-streaming came along most people had forgotten the rental giant faster than betamax. (I think that was some kind of health food from the 80's.)

Blockbuster, which at one point was a giant in the entertainment industry, slowly faded away and the industry changed from rentals to streaming. That little known company, netflix, stayed ahead of the curve, and has since come to dominate the market. It was not a raging battle, but a quiet transition from one place to another. Now people can now get the same service they got from Blockbuster at their corner supermarket through a red machine which they don't have to pay a monthly membership or late fess.

So imagine my surprise when I learned that Blockbuster still existed. The last one I ever found was that "creepy one" down the shore that stayed open through a combination of pity and black magic. It turns out that after Blockbuster filed for bankruptcy they were bought by Dish Network, because fad-entertainment companies should probably try and stick together. Yet, my discovery seems somewhat bitter-sweet as in the same article which I learned about Blockbuster's continued existence I was also informed about its impending closure. As Alanis Morissette would say, "It's that coincidental."

Why do they all look so happy? Aren't at least two of
these people loosing their jobs very soon?

On November 9, 2013, the last ever video was rented from Blockbuster. It was rented in a store in Hawaii and fittingly was, Seth Rogan's This is the End. Now this raises several questions in my mind. Like, does this man now have to return the video when he is done watching it? Will he be charged a late fee if he doesn't? Why would anyone rent This is the End? Did he rent it ironically? Does that mean the last video was rented by a hipster? Do they have hipsters in Hawaii? Do they ever get ironically sacrificed to volcanoes because they are "virgins"? Was that last question culturally insensitive to the proud people of Hawaii? Why is my shoe wet? Regardless, Blockbuster has now ended all store rentals and will close its remaining 300 stores by early January 2014. You can, however, still access Blockbuster.com, though given the current business climate it more or less now stands as a sad gravestone to a place that was so much a part of people's lives twenty years ago.

I think I still have my Blockbuster Rental Card somewhere. Much like my library card it got shoved to the back of my wallet, swallowed up in the leather abyss of forgotten dreams and old insurance cards. As a kid of the 80's, renting a video or even a video game was the highlight of my short-lived life. The possibilities seemed endless and every decision was weighed with the appropriate gravitas that one might give to a decision on where to attend college or where to go for dinner (What are you in the mood for? I don't know, what are you in the mood for? Anything I guess. How about, pizza? No, I had pizza for lunch. But you just said "anything.") And as much as you think i would be sad or even nostalgic at this moment in history the truth is that I see the tale of Blockbuster, more as a sign of the times, and a cautionary tale of how quickly business that we once could not live without can get left behind in the name of progress.

Blockbuster was a great place to have around in its day, but ultimately it failed because of its inability to adapt to the times. I can't find a lot of sympathy for a business who cannot see the writing on the wall. They were slow to adapt, slow to follow, and even slower to lead. (My friends and I call that the Ralphie's Plan, but that's a story for another time.) As Dyaln said, "Don't stand in the doorway/Don't block up the hall/For he that gets hurt/Will be he who has stalled." Now, much like America Online or those nightmarish Ferbie toys, Blockbuster video will belong to a very distinct and ancient time of my personal history, and I'm okay with that. It's time for us to move on. VHS tapes are long gone. There is no more reason to rewind, no more reason to look back and feel bad for the technologies of our past. Soon enough, DVD's and even BluRays will go the way of the walkman. That's the way of life, the circle of technology. So hold on, because the only constant of the future is change. As Dylan reminds us, "The slow one now/Will later be fast/As the present now/Will later be past/The order is/Rapidly fadin'/And the first one now/Will later be last/For the times they are a-changin'."

YouTube Music

Hello fellow Meta-Humans,

Let me start off by saying I have been swamped with work over the past week, so I will go ahead an apologize that this week's entry won't be a long diatribe of moral philosophy intermingled with pop culture nonsense ramblings. I do however want to take a moment to pause and recognize how awesome YouTube is. (I know all the cat videos...)

Did you know that YouTube was started in 2005. That doesn't seem that long ago and yet I can't picture a time anymore when I didn't have the video sharing service distracting me from my work and family. As a sidenote it was created because one of its founders, Jawed Karim couldn't find an Internet video clip of Janet Jackson's infamous Super Bowl nipple exposure. (So I guess, the Jackson family did one thing right.)

However from its humble origins of being a place for soft-core porn and cute animal videos, YouTube has also inspired a new generation of people to get creative and explore their visual, artistic, and musical talents. Now, because of the site we have a whole new slew of people known as "YouTube celebrities," (a crop of people I tend to find well more disserving of the title than most regular celebrities.) Yet, since YouTube has been announcing its upcoming YouTube Music Awards, I though I would share with you come of my favorite YouTube musicians.

So check out the links below and enjoy:

The Piano Guys

 

Lindsey Stirling


Pentatonix


Nick Pitera


Cosplay Piano (from Stan Lee's World of Heroes)

There are many wonderful musicians on YouTube, both big and small. So let's all be thankful that we live in a age with so much talent, but more importantly where we have an easily accessible outlet for all this talent to shine. YouTube has come a long way since its humble beginnings, (eve if it still kind of is about soft-core porn and cat videos.)