A Cliche in King Arthur's Court

In a fit of boredom I was flipping through the channels last night and happened across the horrible 2003 film, Timeline (based on the equally horrible book.) Basically it is the story of archaeologists who are flung back in time due to the machinations of an evil corporation, who has apparently discovered time travel and cannot find anything better to do with it than use it to try and kill an old archaeology professor. Our main characters of the story find themselves in the midst of an "exciting" battle between the French and English in the 1300's, and yet the only thing that really got me through the movie was waiting for the appearances of Billy Connolly and trying to trick myself into thinking I might be watching Boondock Saints.

I remember the advertising for this movie when it was first released. The original trailer likened the journey back through to time to 14th century France as the equivalent of a journey to hell. Personally, I think that is kind of harsh. Granted it is a journey to France and even in modern days that can be a trying experience, but the 1300's are hardly hell. I mean they speak languages we know and can interpret, they fight and live by ethics we clearly understand. This makes even less sense when you think that the archeologists sent back were all at least knowledgeable in the time period in which they were sent back to (because the movie opens with them conducting an archaeological dig at the very sight the aforementioned battle took place in.

This did get me thinking about being transported back in time and how well an average person might fair in a historical time period. Obviously some time periods would be easier then others for certain people. For instance, the Ninja Turtles seemed to fair pretty well in feudal Japan, and the closer you get to modern times the easier it would be to adapt. I mean Marty McFly did well enough in the Wild West version of his home town. You also need to take into account the relation of the ancient culture to the culture of the traveler. For instance, I know very little about the customs and beliefs of the Babylonians, but I am well prepared for 1940's America. Language is an issue as well, because even though Ancient Rome is a predecessor to modern western culture, I still dont' think my 5 years of Latin will allow me to very conversant with the locals. I do not think me repeating, "Equus amo" (I like horse), to everyone I meet is going to get me very far.

Movies about time travel have often proven
that the only people who travel through time
are those who are barely qualified to travel
to the local supermarket.

However even beyond those basic problems I have to wonder if we as modern humans would have any real advantage over our ancient counterparts. In the movie Bill Connolly, is able to prove himself useful to his medieval captors by using his "big-future-brain" to make them Greek Fire, (a substance that burns hotter the more water that is added to it.) That is all well and good and a perfect example of how a modern human can use his higher intellect to survive in ancient times, except not really. You see Greek Fire was invented by the Byzantine Empire, and its secret was so closely guarded that the knowledge of how to replicate the substance was lost to history after the Byzantium Empire fell. In other words, Billy Connolly could not know how to make Greek Fire, because in modern times we do not know how to make Greek Fire. I suppose we can argue that being a modern human of average intelligence we could find a close proximate formula. After all, we know that gasoline burns and is resistant to water (but so did people in medieval times,) or that hyper-accelerants such as magnesium will burn brighter when water is applied to them, but that raises other questions. I mean where do you find magnesium and/or how do you manufacture a jet-fuel like accelerant? It is a process that would require highly specialized knowledge that the average modern human does not have.

Really, I keep coming back to the conclusion that modern humans with no special training may not fair too well when thrown back into an ancient scenario. I mean think about it, many modern humans do not even understand how to fix their home computer, and even worse, thanks to the advent of video games and air conditioning most people nowadays will probably find themselves in worse physical condition than their ancient counterparts. Even people with specialized survival training such as people with army training or woodsman experience may still find the task overwhelming. I mean, just because you can take down a deer at 300 yards with a hunting rifle does not necessarily prepare you to use a sword or a spear in combat, and how often does the US Army teach charioteering anymore.

Nonetheless, a specialized skill will always prove more useful than your average couch potato. Engineers, chemists, and especially doctors could probably get by on their skills and knowledge to -at least- prove useful to an ancient society, but even that is questionable. Obviously aerospace and/or computer engineers would find their expertise somewhat antichronal, plastic surgeons probably would not find much work in ancient times, and depending on where and when you land up, chemists or other scientists could just as well find themselves tied to a stake as a crowd lights them on fire while screaming, "witch." Even people who train themselves in ancient culture will probably still have a difficult time overcoming anyone or anything they meet. I mean just because you work at medieval times as a jouster doesn't mean you could probably beat real knights in a jousting tournament, and even though you take three classes a week on how to wield a katana, my money would still be on your samurai opponent who has been practicing with his sword since he could stand upright.

Coming this Fall to MTV and the History Channel.

Our real advantage would most likely be our understanding of history, but even that is not really too reliable. I mean unless you are a highly specialized historian who happens to fall into his/her specialized time period, you probably still will not find the lessons that you learned in 10th grade history class specifically useful, even if you manage to remember them. After all, just because you land in Revolutionary Times, and your general knowledge of history tells you that America wins the Revolution, you still may not necessarily know who will win the momentary battle that you find raging around you. Additionally, the further back in history you go the less reliable historical facts become. There are whole centuries of human history that we are really only guessing at. Any specific or first-hand accounts were either never created or were lost over the adjoining centuries. This makes even scholarly historical knowledge for any age is spotty at best, and completely incorrect at worst.

So who might be the best modern human to survive in ancient times? Bear Grylls? Tony Stark? Whoopi Goldberg? I cannot be sure, nor could anyone until they are faced with that possibility. The answers to these question are as unknown as the mysteries of the past. I suppose it will always vary based not only upon the traveler but also upon what time period they are sent to. All I know is that this sounds like an awesome premise for a reality show. It might even be one I would actually watch.