Reviews No One Will Read: SWTOR

Smuggler and Trooper classes, posing like rockstars

Okay, so this week I am being a bit lazy in my blogging but it's not my fault. Its now 4 days after Christmas and I am in vacation mode, (at least I should be if I wasn't stuck at work.) However, what is propelling me through my days this lazy holiday week is not the thoughts of the coming New Year, but my newest addiction: Star Wars: The Old Republic. For any non-gamers out there (we call your normies) SWTOR is probably the biggest game of 2011. Within six days of its release the game reached the milestone of 1 million players, (which is also why I sometimes have to wait in a 5 minute queue to log on, because every person and their Wookiee co-pilot is playing.)

It is a Lucas Arts/Bioware production, (The same team that brought us Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic) so right off the bat you know its quality work. The project was in development for more than 5 years, and I am happy to report that it does not disappoint, not even a bit. All too often these days when I see a product with the "Lucas" label on it I prep myself for possible disappointment, lest I fall victim to Phantom Menace Syndrome again, but SWTOR exceeds not only all my expectations but most industry standards for MMORPGs.

Gamers who are accustomed to playing MMO's will like how the game still plays like any other MMO (and by that I mean like WoW) with understandable abilities, crafting skills, skill trees, and classes, as well as logical interfaces and controls. Gamers will also appreciate the twists that have been added, such as the ability for classes to become specialized. When you choose to play a Jedi Consular you can then choose to specialize in Jedi Shadow or Jedi Sage, each with their own unique abilities and skill trees. Additionally, the advent of companions mean that you can actually control and deck-out a second character who follows you along and fills in some of the gaps your character might be missing. For instance, I am playing as a Smuggler/Gunslinger with a pure DPS focus. My companion is a Trooper class that can take great damage and distract opponents for the purposes of being my Tank. Now when it comes to tanking he will never be as skilled as another human player, but for smaller non-heroic missions the extra back-up helps and it means that you do not always need to spend all your time shouting for groups.

When interacting on missions you are given three choices
for your responses. Each reflects what type of personality
you want to play, Good, Bad, or Indifferent.

Fans of the Star Wars universe will enjoy the feel of the game as it literally puts you in the middle of your own Star Wars story. This is probably the aspect I have been most excited about, as with other MMO's (such as WoW) no matter how much you try to care about storyline it really becomes more of a chore to keep reading pages upon pages of quest scrolls. Eventually you just give up and accept that you are really only grinding your way to the next level and the quicker you do it, so much the better. Not in SWTOR. All quests are full voiced by more than 100 voice actors, and have been written to allow the player to feel as if he is in the Star Wars Universe. Even more exciting is the fact that each class has its own unique storyline that is affected by the players choice. That means that if you get double-crossed by a partner during a business deal you may have to make the choice if that ex-partner lives or dies. You may have to choose whether you turn them over to the proper authorities or let them go, or whether you souble cross them or not. Not only do these choices affect the flow of your storyline (such as if you kill a potential ally they will not show up again in your story), but you will be rewarded with Dark or Light Side points. These points will affect how other characters react to your character, how he or she looks, and even limit what type of gear and items a character can attain. Personally, this sort of Story-Driven MMO model has been what my writer-side has been screaming for in MMO games all along. There was a lot of doubt whether it could be accomplished, but it has, and it has made a world of difference in my gaming experience.

Lastly, all people will be able to enjoy the game based on the fact that it is Star Wars and it feels authentic. I am playing a Smuggler and so far I have been double-crossed, had a bounty placed on my head, and everywhere I go I get hassled by customs agents. My ship is a piece of junk looking freighter that's faster than anything in the galaxy, I am a crack shot with my blaster pistol, and more often than not I get I try to talk, flirt, or wisecrack my way out of any situation I come across.

Star Wars: The Old Republic has something for every gamer, nerd, or normy that you can imagine. I give it 9.5 Billion Stars out of 10 Billion Stars. Pick it up and you won't be disappointed.

Tweleve Days of Dorksmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.  On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Two turtle ninjas, (cowabunga) And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.  On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Three rings for the Elven kings, Two turtle ninjas, And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Forty-two, Three Elven Rings, Two turtle ninjas, (righteous) And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Five final cylons, The answer to life, Three Elven rings, Two turtle ninjas, (radical) And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me The Sinister Six, Five final cylons, Universal answers, Three Elven rings, Donny and Leo, And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Seven of Nine Six Super-Villains, Five final cylons, The Answer to everything, Three Elven rings, Two turtle ninjas,  Power to my Flux Capcitor. On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me 8-bit games, My favorite Borg The Sinister Six, Five final cylons, Forty-two, Three Elven rings, Mikey and Raph, And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Nine Magic Power Cards, Legend of Zelda, Seven of Nine Six spider haters, Five plot twists, The answer to life, Three Elven rings, Two turtle ninjas, (turtle power)  And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Ben Ten's watch, Alpha Black Lotus, Frogger?, That sexy Borg The Sinister Six, Five final cylons, Math in a Base of 13, Three Elven rings, Splinter and Casey,  One quantum leap. On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Eleven Doctors leaping, Humungousaur, Ancestral Recall, Metroid, Jeri Ryan Six Super-Villains, Five questionable decisions, Six by nine,  Three Elven rings, Two turtle ninjas, (Tubular?)  Libyans!. On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Twelve X-Wings attacking, Eleven Doctors leaping, Ben Ten's watch, Nine Power Magic Cards, 8-bit games, Seven of Nine The Sinister Six, Five final cylons, Forty-two, Three rings for the Elven kings, Two turtle ninjas, And 1.21 gigawatts of electricity!

Thus Ends the Age of Super-Villainy

"You are worthress, Arec Barrwin!"

Ding Dong, Kim Jong is dead. The North Korean dictator died of congestive heart failure on December 17th while traveling on his armored train (possibly made of gold). I prefer to think that the train went plummeting into a huge ravine before exploding in a fiery CGI-enhanced explosion, all while Kim Jong-Il screamed, "You have not seen the last of me, Mr. Bond!" Whatever the case, today we mark the passing of one of the world's last super-villains. Like Palpatine, Sauron, Hitler, and Barney, Kim Jong-Il's life was cut short in the prime of his evilness.

Truly, a modern-day Dr. Doom, Kim Jong-Il had a small yet impressive list of villainous acts. Chief among them was the systematical starvation of his people by a government directive that emphasized nuclear weapons over food. In 1983, he ordered the bombing of Rangoon, Burma which killed 17 South Korean officials, and in 1987 he ordered the bombing of Korean Air Flight 858, which killed 115 people. He commanded the world's fourth largest standing army, and had control of a working nuclear program. The North Korean despot even proved his evil roots early in life. It is believed, that as a child, he had a hand in the drowning of his brother, Kim Pyong-Il. Yet, what truly defines Kim Jong-Il's Saturday morning cartoon-like villainy is not the terrible acts and pain he is responsible for, but the seemingly senseless and random way in which he enacted those plans. (Also he was frelling crazy.)

The more you study the Great Leader the more you see the comparisons between him and the bad-guy of any pulp-comic. For example, when he once found himself injured from falling off his horse, he was so afraid of becoming addicted to pain-killers, that he ordered the members of his administration to take the same daily dosages of pain killers as him. This way he wouldn't be the only one hooked on the drug. On another occasion, he ordered the systematic removal and exile of people who were considered disabled and/or short from Pyongyang. Like any good leader he of course did not include himself in this demographic as he usually wore 4-inch platform shoes. He was also such a fan of films (among his favorites were Friday the 13th, Rambo, and Godzilla) that he had South Korean film director, Shin Sang-ok and his actress wife, Choi Eun-hee, kidnapped so that they could make a bad Godzilla rip-off for him. He also imprisoned two American journalists, Euna Lee and Laura Ling, and then promptly released them because he got have his picture taken with Bill Clinton. Yet all of that may diminish in the light that he maintained an entire FAKE and functioning city, named Kijon-Dong, a few miles north of the South Korean border. The propaganda city is completely abandoned except for the few government workers that operate street sweepers, and are ordered to keep up the illusion of activity.

In North Korea this is how they
play Where's Waldo

Like any good villain he not only made sure to have a distinctive look (which he claimed became a world-wide fashion trend), but he made sure that his subjects would worship him like a deity. Among the more wild beliefs spread about Dear Leader, was that Kim Jong-Il was born in a secret mountain military fortress, and his coming was foretold by a swallow, and heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow, (it's so beautiful.) It was also proclaimed that the Supreme Leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea could control the weather, that he invented the hamburger, and that he once shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course (including 5 holes in one,) yet he still had less women than Tiger Woods.

On a personal level, (as I mentioned above,) he was a big movie buff. He owned more than 20,000 videos and DVDs, and his favorite actress was Elizabeth Taylor. He was heavily involved in the production of the North Korean movie, Diary of a Girl Student. He was the author of a book titled, On the Art of the Cinema. His favorite sport was basketball and one of his most prized possessions was an autographed Michael Jordan basketball that was presented to him by Madeleine Albright. His son (while attending school in Switzerland under an assumed name) is rumored to have actually met and talked with Kobe Bryant (presumably at a monthly League of Evil meeting). The dictator's official biography claims that he has composed six operas, and that he routinely stages elaborate musicals.

In review, I think the real problem with making the comparison of Kim Jong-Il and any fictional super-villain is that if Kim Jong was a comic book character, no one would find him believable. The biggest problem is that, much like Gargamel, the North Korean Dictator never had very clear motives. He was not fueled by religious zealotry, a desire for oil, or even an intense hatred of the West. Even his desires of global domination always seemed some-what vague and transitory. One of his only clear goals was to obtain the nuclear missile, which he did, but even to this day nobody is quite sure why or for what reason he really wanted it.

So maybe Kim Jong-Il isn't exactly Dr. Doom, (though I don't think I would have put it past him to have a strong belief in magic and a robotic suit stashed in his closet,) and maybe he was really just more crazy than Evil. If anything that probably puts him more on par with someone like Mirror Master more than with Lex Luthor. However, he did have some villainous street cred, and we can't deny that the world is probably a far better place with him not in it. So as we look back on the past year, let us not forget the passing of one of our world's strangest and possibly last true super-villains, nor the heroics of the brave men and women of MI6 which brought about this momentous day.


The world will never see their like again... hopefully...



December Nerd Highlight

From the new Innistrad set, a double card desinged by
David Rapoza

Hey everybody. From time to time in my perusing of the Internet I come across such randomly awesome stuff that I just feel the need to share. So the other day when I was searching for my usual mieliu of junk and garbage to try and satiate my boredom I came across some artwork from this amazing artist named Dave Rapoza. Any of you who plays Magic: The Gathering may be familiar with the name as he is one of their contributing artists. My interest was piqued in Mr. Rapoza's work when I discovered his awesome prints of some classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters and Masters of the Universe, both of which were very important shows to me as a child.

 Donatello 	 Raphael 
 Foot Clan 	 Wingnut & Screwloose 
 Metalhead 	 (and my favorite pic) April O'Neil 

So in lieu of a whimsical and witty (yet tasteful) blog entry this week I leave you with some awesome artwork and a recommendation for you to check out Rapoza's work at his homepage: http://daverapoza.blogspot.com/

All pictures used are meant only to promote the work of Dave Rapoza. I do not own or claim ownership of any images used in this blog entry.

Speechless

By some estimates Shakespeare contributed 1,700 new words to the English language, but inventing words did not start or stop with the Bard, especially when it comes to science fiction and fantasy. New words are coined to prove to the reading/viewing audience of the authenticity of the distant world or realm the have stepped into, or to name a new piece of technology, material, concept, precious gem, etc, (unobtainium not withstanding). Sometimes words are even created to take the place of expletives in order to allow the writer to get his point across without smurfing-off the sensors and sensibilities of parental figures. In fact, there are so many invented words that it is hard for me to narrow them down or make a comprehensive list (and still find space to interject my witty and beloved brand of humor.) So instead I have decided to count down my top ten favorite fictional words.

10. FRAK [frak] n/adj/v/inj 1. a general expletive and imprecation commonly used as a vulgar reference to sexual intercourse; (fracking, fracked-up, frack-off, frackwad, motherfracker); "Frack you, Starbuck! You have practically fought or fracked every guy on this whole motherfracking ship."

In the modern era, Frack is probably one of the most obvious and well-known fictional sci-fi words created (unobtainium not withstanding.) This is mostly due to the mainstream success of the new Battlestar Galactica. Not only did the writers use it to give their show a non-earthly feel, but by interjecting it into almost every other scene it allowed them to get that gritty-real-world feel they were looking for in a show based originally on exploding models and Richard Hatch's hair.

9. DURASTEEL [dur-a-steel] n/adj 1. a metal alloy created mainly from carvanium, lommite, carbon, meleenium, neutronium, and zersium, and is capable of withstanding blistering heat, frigid cold, and monumental physical stress, even when pressed very thin; 2. something likened to durasteel in color, hardness, or strength. "These bulkhead are half of a meter thick durasteel. Nothing is getting through, not even a Jedi."

Star Wars has given us a lot of constructed construction words over the years, plasteel, permacrete, etc, but durasteel is the most commonly used and well-defined. In-universe we are told it is used for building everything from cookware to starship armor. The word is found almost exclusively in the Expanded Universe, so your most casual Lucas-lover will hardly stumble across it in day-to-day use. However, as words go its a pretty good one. It finds that right balance between other-worldly and relatable

 8. CRAPLOUSY [crap-lou-zee] adj 1. expletive usually used to express how wretchedly-bad something is. (craplousiness, craplousily, craplousiest) "Craplousy ceiling!"

Truthfully, this probably should have been an honorable mention, at best, because: A) its just the combination of two already existing words; and B) its taken from one of the worst movies ever created. (Seriously, look it up. It falls somewhere between Manos: Hands of Fate and Gigli). In case you have not already guessed it or for some reason actually know the reference, the word is from Battlefield Earth, John Travolta'a opus to L. Ron Hubbard. The only reason the word made the list is because its too hilarious and pathetic not to. Its like the shining craplousiest jewel in the craplousiest of all crowns ever made.

7. TRUTHINESS [troo-thee-ness] noun 1. truth that comes from the gut, not books, 2. the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true rather than concepts or facts known to be true. "The truthiness is that anyone can read the news to you, I promise to feel the news at you."

Again, this just a variation made on an already existing word, except where craplousy is unintentionally humorous and ironic, truthiness was created for just those explicit purposes. Coined by a man of mythic proportions, Stephen Colbert, the word was declared 2006 word of the year by Merriam-Webster. Granted, this is not actually a word created for use in sci-fi or fantasy, but the truthiness is that it feels like one that should have been. I think Stephen would agree.

6. VIBRANIUM [vi-bray-nee-um] n 1. a metal alloy originally deposited on Earth from meteorites in 8,000 BCE, which has the property of absorbing all types of vibrations, rendering the metal near-indestructible. "The vibranium deposits found there, easily make Wakanda the richest country in the world."

When looking at fictional metals it was a toss-up between Vibranium and the more well-known Adamantium (but never Unobtainium). Ultimately the decision came to to my love of Captain America over Wolverine. For those of you not in the know, there are two types of vibranium, the more common Wakandan variety, and the more powerful Antarctic variety (which can actually cut through any metal), commonly called Anti-Metal.

5. GORRAM [gor-ram] adj/inj 1. an expletive often used to exclaim any strong feel, but usually disgust, anger, or irritation. 2. a word used in adjective form as emphasis to display strong feelings. "I don't give a good gorram about relevant, Wash, or objective."

Just another craplousy day at the Church of Scientology.

When it came down to made up words, Joss Whedon's Firefly was second probably only to the show that holds the number one spot on this countdown. However, Whedon's Firefly Universe is notable not only for its new and inventive words, but for showing how the English language can (and may) change as we move into the future. The characters on the show are known to speak both English and Chinese (usually when cursing), showing (much like Bladerunner) how the languages and culture can intermingle. Additionally, Gorram is not only meant to be a substitute for Goddamn, but an evolution of the word. Human language often changes according to the laziness of the human tongue and it is not a far stretch that D's can be interchanged for R's. (I also like the word Shiney) 

4. POSITRONIC [poz-i-tron-ik] adj 1. related to or designed to utilize positrons, commonly used when referring to the circuitry and/or nervous system of an artificial creation. "My positronic brain is capable of operating within a relativistically accelerated frame of reference compared to that of humans."

Most of you will probably read the word positronic as a reference to Star Trek's Data, but in truth the term was first invented by the godfather of science fiction, Isaac Asimov in the 1940's. He used the term much in that same way it was used when referring to Data (who was an artificial life form.) It is not surprising that Star Trek used so many Asmovian concepts when dealing with androids and artificial lifeforms, as Isaac Asimov dealt so exclusively and thoroughly with the idea of AI (the movie I, Robot not withstanding.)

3. PRIME [prahym] inj 1. an interjection meaning "good," or "great," but often used in a sarcastic manner so as to show that the situation is "anything but." "We are out of energon? Well, that's just prime."

This is my most obscure reference, but also one of my favorite. It was often used by Optimus Primal of the show Transformers: Beast Wars. It was never used in seriousness but only sarcastically, often accompanied by a small sigh. As such, at the height of my infatuation with the show I remember using the phrase Well that's just prime, quite often in my own life (often accompanied by a small sigh). Even to this day I may still catch myself saying it if I am not paying attention.

2. BELGIUM [bel-juh-m] inj 1. an expletive so terrible that the concept it embodies is so revolting that the publication or broadcast of the word is utterly forbidden in all parts of the galaxy except one, where they don't know what it means. "Baby, I love you. You make my...what? What do you mean you're my sister? Belgium!!!"

In case you are not that into British "humour," the curse word comes from the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy. Douglas Adams uses the word for numerous reasons, but chiefly he is lampooning not just the invented sci-fi/fantasy curse-words of his peer authors, but also the system of censorship in general, (especially in America where the word was used to replace the F-word in print.) Also, it may be some sort of dig at Belgium.

1. FRELL [frel] 1. a general expletive and imprecation, rarely used when talking about the act of engaging in sexual intercourse; (frelled, frelling); "I am not Kirk, Spock, Luke, Buck, Flash or Arthur frelling Dent. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas."

Anyone who knows Farscape is a pretty cool person. The show was the brain child of Brian Henson, (but it was not your typical Muppet production,) and was probably the coolest thing on TV for the three to four years it existed (before it suffered a similar fate to Whedon's Firefly.) In its short time on the air, Farscape redefined the meaning of invented expletives, creating such words as dranit, dren, fahrbot, frelnik, greebol, hezmana, loomas, mivonks, thoddo, tralk, yotz, and much much more. However, I had to choose frell, because much like frak it can withstand the test of time as a good short multi-purpose curse word.

Now, I am not saying that any of the above mentioned words will ever enter the English lexicon as the words of Shakespeare did, but we have to acknowledge that words have power, even those that are complete krunk. After all, the reason people started using Shakespearean words was because they wanted to emulate their favorite plays or characters. Are we really any different? 



The video above is of the show Stargate making a parody of Farscape (particularly it's invented words). The parody is all the funnier because two of the stars (Ben Browder and Claudia Black) are on both shows. You have to know you made it when your obscure sci-fi show gets parodied on another (slightly less) obscure scif-fi show.

A Matter of Time

Did you ever feel like there was something missing in your life? I have, but more to the point, I think I am beginning to understand what that something is: Time Travelers.

My understanding of time travel.

Let me talk about how all this started. So the other day I was watching reruns of Smallville, (judge me accordingly for admitting that, but) the episode I was watching was 8x11 Legion. It takes place much later in the Smallville mythos (Once Clark is through his angsty high school years and Michael Rosenbaum has left the series for promises of a mediocre film career.) The episode revolves around a time-traveling trio from the future, (Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, and Saturn Girl.) If you know anything about DC Comics you will recognize the names from the 31st century's Legion of Superheroes. They arrive in the Kent family barn to save the pre-Superman Clark and to help him stop Brainiac in order to ensure the continued existence of the future which they come from.

Of course, this also gives the writers license to play with the characters and leads to all the obvious cliches and plot points you would expect in an episode about time-traveling superheroes who land in the Dawson's Creek-esque atmosphere of Smallville. Among other things the three time travelers ask the questions that most fanboys were asking for eight years (Where is his cape? Where are the horn-rimmed glasses? Why can't he fly? Who the hell is Chloe Sullivan?), but most importantly they mention to Clark a hint of his future. They talk of a man who will not only inspire the world but the destiny of humanity for centuries to come.

This leads to me to a very important question of my own, Where is my time traveler? Clark Kent gets three (albeit stupidly named) visitors, John Connor had the Terminator, and even Bill and Ted had George Carlin. So where is my future-man who will come back to save my life so that I can one day go on to be a man that will inspire millions of people and save the human race from annihilation? I mean shouldn't that have happened by now? I'm 28 years old and according to my research most time travel experiences happen in a person's early to late teens, certainly no later than 22 or 23.

Despite the optomistic view of the future this movie took,
Alex Winter's destiny was bleek and Keanu Reeve's fate
was even bleeker.

You would think even if I am not destined to save the world, the least the time traveling community could do for me is to send my future son back in time to ensure that I meet the woman of my dreams (A sexy lingerie model with a 160 point IQ and a passion for Star Wars.) I mean its 2011, Emmett Brown invented the time traveling Delorean back in 1985 and the time traveling steam-powered engine (for some reason) in 1885... so where is my future progeny? The only explanation I have is that maybe my son is just too busy. I suppose being a famous novelist/starship captain must really put a constraint on one's time.

Or, it could be something else, entirely... I mean I could wait around for someone like the Doctor and his TARDIS to come and whisk me away through time and space (it would have to be David Tennant, I'm still not entirely sold on this Matt Smith character,) or maybe we all can't wait for our time traveling children to do all the work for us. After all whenever you look at anyone who has a had time traveling experience, Clark Kent, James T. Kirk, Marty McFly, any of the Doctor's companions, I think it is implied that these people already had something special about them even before their eponymous journeys, (in the case of Bill and Ted, maybe they were just special.)

So maybe the solution to what lies ahead is not in a traveler from our future, but from our belief in our own futures. Also who really wants to put up with all the rigors of time travel and paradoxes, and possibilities of making out with your teenage mother. So maybe its not so much about what I am destined to be so long as I understand who I am today. After all, Doc Brown and Natasha Bedingfield said it best, The future is unwritten.

High School



That's what it was like going to high school in the early 90's.
(Also, I never knew Screech was a Lennon fan.)



Do you remember high school? I'm sure it was the most positive and self-affirming four years of your life, especially if you were ever different in even the slightest way. My ten-year high school reunion is coming up next year and I have been thinking a lot about it (mostly concerned with calculating whether I can become an astronaut/best-selling author before that night.) I also currently work in a school, so I suppose the subject has been on my mind lately, and now that I am older, wiser, and a little more wider in the middle, I find myself looking back on those days with mixed feelings.

I like to equate high school to watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In reality, it's not as horrible of an experience as people usually want to make it out to be. There were good moments and there were many moments we would as soon forget, much like all of Shia Labeouf's acting career after Holes. It was certainly not the absolute worst thing I have ever had to endure (That was Pirates of Caribbean 3), but I'm not exactly eagerly popping the DVD again to relive all the great moments.

High school for me was a fairly standard experience. In the hierarchy between quarterback and that kid-that-smelled-like-eggs, I usually found myself somewhere in the middle. I was never popular, but I wasn't disliked. I was never fully accepted, but I was never truly shunned either. In high school, I had an uncanny superpower to be able to walk into most situations or groups and render myself invisible enough that no one truly cared I was around. Of course, the draw back of that is that no one truly cared I was around. However, in order to achieve this sort of power it meant that -much like Batman- no one could ever know who I truly was.

I was a nerd, but I did my best to hide it. Just like Xavier's pupils I concealed my true self for fear of ridicule and persecution. Worst yet, I did it not because I blasted energy from my eyes, not because I had the power to read minds, teleport, or turn my skin to hardened steel, but because I read Star Wars novels and comic books, because I spent my free hours writing fantasy stories or playing with twenty-sided dice. Instinctively I knew how poisonous that kind of information could be to my social standing. Sure, people knew I had geeky tendencies, but no one knew that all they saw was the tip of an iceberg the size of Andoria. My secret allowed me to be accepted, but it never allowed me to truly connect with anyone either.

Despie what Disney wants you to think, kids, high school
was never like that.

Even to this day when I meet an old classmate or friend I find myself falling back into familiar patterns. They could be over-weight and balding, but I still see them as the person who was cooler than me and I still find myself involuntarily guarding my speech and adjusting my perceptions. Similarly, I ate lunch in the faculty cafeteria the other day and found myself seeing the same divisions among the teachers that I observed from the students, the cool kids, the gossipy table, the rejects, etc. It's ironic that high school is something most of us spend so much time trying to escape, yet no matter what we try, we find it coming back around like a bad plot point.

Still, life is not a sitcom and inevitably we all find ourselves changing. After I left high school I changed, for the better. For anyone still going through the rigors of high school I can only say: Be yourself. As hard as that adive may be to follow or even understand, you'll just have to trust me, because life goes on. In four years you'll realize that the opinions of all those other people really didn't matter at all. So don't take them to heart and don't let them keep you down from trying to be the the person you want to be.

For me I didn't get that till I got to college. I met like-minded friends that showed me it was okay to be proud of who I was, regardless of what others thought, and more impossibly that people would like all the more for it. They proved to me that paradoxes existed. That it is not only entirely possible to be a nerd, but at the same time be the most popular guy in the room. In a lot of ways, they gave me the confidence to be the person I am today, and if it wasn't for them I am sure this blog would not exist at all. I suppose the moral of the story is that high school doesn't last forever and who you were does not define who you will be for the rest of your life.

The Luke Skywalker Complex

"Okay boss, I invoiced all those
power converters we had shipped
from Tosche Station."

I was off last Friday, but that's not what this story is really about. A day off means that I have to work that much harder to make sure everything runs smoothly in my absence. Having a day off can be really stressful. I know it sounds irrational, but in all fairness I'm not always the most rational of people. As absurd as it might be I have myself convinced that if I abandon work for one day the whole place may come down around me. (This is doubly irrational when you take into the account I have only been working in my current job for three months.) Now, I am well aware that my work has survived many years before I ever came along, but I still feel the need to prepare for every possible contingency, whether it be a major network crash, printer running out of paper, or an alien invasion. (FYI, the plasma rifle was disassembled into three separate parts and hidden around my office.) Returning to work on Monday I found that the place did not burn down nor was it invaded by malevolent extraterrestrials, and thus all my worrying was for nothing. So why do I do this?

It all comes down to what I call the Luke Skywalker Complex, and I would argue that such an affliction of the mind is not limited to soley me. It all stems from fears driven by my own desire for self-worth. I think we all want to believe that we are the most important people, not only in our jobs, but in our families, among our friends, and other social and work-related settings. A study (or maybe a Snapple cap) I was reading recently pointed to the idea of being needed as a major source for our feelings of happiness and self-worth. Whether we actually are crucially needed or not usually seems irrelevant to our increased feelings of happiness. By believing that those around us and the things we do would be reduced to a horrific and fiery wreckage without our amazing and awe-inspiring presence, is usually just another way of validating ourselves... much like Luke Skywalker.

Think about Luke and his position to the Rebellion. Skywalker is just some kid from a desert world on the outer-rim. Sure he is a half-decent pilot, but in the beginning he's not even a ranking officer. Realistically, Leia is much more important as the daughter of one of the Rebel Alliances founders, (Jimmy Smits,) and as a representative to the newly disbanded Imperial Senate. However, the only difference between you and Luke is that without him there is a good evidence to show that the Rebel Alliance probably would have hastily become nothing more than a dirt stain on the boot of the Empire. The whole Death Star incident aside, just look at the Empire Strikes Back. Luke takes a vacation to Dagobah for a few weeks, and long story short, Han spends the next few years of his life in carbonite as a mantle piece in Jabba's palace. In other words, Luke literally is one of the most important people in the Rebel Alliance and to his friends, even if he never even reaches the rank of general (at least not in the movies.) Han Solo and Lando Calrissian are actually promoted ahead of him, which really brings us to a whole other point.

"You think he'll be mad I forgot the quarterly reports again?"

Luke for all his hard work, dedication, and proven importance to the Rebellion is actually passed over for promotion for men who are proven smugglers, gamblers, and mercenaries. I imagine Luke is the kind of person who spends all weekend preparing a presentation, graphs, charts, figures, etc and when he walks into the meeting on Monday morning finds himself out-shined by Han Solo who probably wrote something down on his breakfast napkin 15-minutes beforehand and just pretty much winged his entire presentation. We won't even go into Lando who somehow achieved the rank almost immediately, and after betraying some the Alliances' most valuable members and one of his best friends. He must have had an amazing resume.

However, this only serves to show the contradiction of the Luke Skywalkers of the world. Our irrationality is only further proved, because if you ask anyone who grew up watching Star Wars the overwhelming majority would probably tell you how much they would rather be like Han Solo than Luke Skywalker. I mean, let's face it, who really wants to be an overworked, under appreciated, and sometimes whiny Jedi-wannabe, when you can spend your life getting by on your natural luck, charm, and by sleeping with a (at least one that we know about) princess?

Meta-Humanity

Meta-Humanity [mee-tuh-hyoo-man-i-tee]: noun, 1. the quality or condition of being something more than human; mutant, mutate, enhanced-human, super-human, etc; 2. all humans collectively whom have something special about them and the way they see the world; 3. a shameless website made by a hack writer in order to promote his self-serving need for attention; 4. the quality of being a nerd; geek, dweeb, poindexter, dag, freak, etc.

The other day, I was out with this girl I have been seeing, and as the conversation so often does, the topic turned to shoes. She was wearing a brown leather boot-type thing with two or three clasps that ran down the side. I looked at them for a moment and gave her my honest opinion "They look like Jedi boots," I said. She laughed politely, probably not knowing whether to take it as a compliment or some sort of joke, but I was entirely serious in my assessment.

Friedrich Nietzsche, a 19th century philosopher, often talked of the idea of non-standard perspective. In other words, its the idea that two objects cannot experience the world in the exact same way. If a dog sees the world through black and white and a Predator sees the world through rainbow-like infrared vision than neither will look at something as simple as a flower and truly understand, or even perceive it, in the same way.

It makes a lot of sense, and Fredrick Nietzsche was a damn smart man. In fact, if he were alive today, CBS would have given him an afternoon talk show by now. He is famous for -among other things- proclaiming that God is Dead, he is credited for indirectly inspiring the idea of Superman (the ubermensch), and starting a serious opposition to conventional morality in his book, Daybreak, which I am pretty sure was the fouth novel in a series of books that starred an angsty emo teen girl who was in love with an immoral vampire.

All of this really just leads to my point: There is no right or even normal way to experience the world around us. Like the dog and the Predator we all see things and understand things differently. This is especially true for people who have grown up with different experiences, different thoughts, and with different ways of processing the world. One person may look at designer boots and think that they are nice because they go with their belt or purse, while another may look at them and see a resemblance to an accessory from a fictional universe.

There is no wrong answer, but I like to think that Meta-Humanity is for people like me who see the world from a very altered point of view. It's a blog for anyone who has ever caught the last snippet of a conversation and equated it to quote from a Matt Groening cartoon; who has looked up into the skies of New York City and hoped that maybe for a moment they might catch sight of a webslinging wallcrawler; who has given serious thought to making an emergency bag in case of a zombie outbreak.

Perhaps more importantly, this blog is for anyone who has ever wanted to follow their dreams; or for anyone who has ever looked out the window and wondered where their place was in this world. As Nietzsche would agree sometimes the world is literally what you make of it. This is my world. You don't have to be a nerd to appreciate it, but it helps.