Ghostbusters III

I know it has been a while since my last blog post. To any of my loyal readers (hi, Mom,) I apologize for the long hiatus. Life has gotten pretty crazy over the last four weeks, but all that is in the past. Now we look to the future, and depending on what news source you look to, the future may or may not involve a third iteration of the Ghostbusters franchise (or a prequel, or a reboot, or an all girls cast, or movie set in prehistoric New York.) I don't want to address any of the rumors out there or even comment on them. I want to just float my own ides for what would make a worthy successor to two of my favorite 80's movies.

First off, let's lay something out, right off the bat. There are very few flaws in the original Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters II. The tone is consistent, the movies are fun (with the right mix of believable suspended belief and over-the-top-Staypuff-Marshmellow-Man moments,) and they are funny. So it unnerves me sometimes when I read a lot of these supposed ideas for a new movie and I find people who just want to mess with (in my opinion) what works. So for the movie I am proposing we want to keep it as close to the originals as we possibly can, with the same feel.

However, we also have to be careful. Since we are introducing a new cast we also don't want our four new Ghostbusters to be bad carbon copies of the four originals. Now, I don't care if they are all women, or all men, or all kittens (I just got an idea for a viral video.) If a character works it should work regardless of gender or race. (Those things can be fleshed out in casting.) What I am concerned with, is that we don't have four people who are trying too hard to be Dan Akroyd, Harold Remis, Ernie Hudson, and Bill Murray (no one can be Bill Murray, but Bill Murray). That would be a mistake as those four individuals are unique and I don't want to watch a movie about four people I don't care about trying to be people I really do care about. All that formula does is make me want to walk out of a theater and pop in a DVD of a far better movie. Instead, we need new characters that work in the vein of the original Ghostbusters but bring their own spin to their roles. In this way the audience can fall in love with them for different reasons. After all, when you break up with a person, do you immediately go out and try to find their exact clone? No, every person is unique and the love you have for someone will always be different than the love you have for someone else.

Yet, one of the things we need to keep is the working-class feel of the old movies. Part of the appeal of the Ghostbusters is not that they were superheroes (and I will say this now, with the capslock down: MAKING A NEW GHOSTBUSTERS MOVIE FOLLOW IN THE GENRE OF BLOCKBUSTER SUPERHERO MOVIES WILL RUIN THE FRANCHISE.) With that said if during the movie, once the new Ghostbusters' business gets off the ground, if they wanted to make a really bad commercial portraying themselves as superheroes, which also lampoons those typical blockbuster movies, that would be comedy and completely appropriate. However, that cannot be the movie. Ghostbusters at its heart is about working stiffs trying to do a job that makes them more like exterminators than crime fighters, but in the end they manage to save the city of New York, despite the fact that they seem like the last people who could accomplish it.

Now that we have some of the ground rules established let's talk plot. I have a few ideas which I think would work and help make this new movie unique yet still fun and franchise friendly:

Buy the shirt at Cracked.com

We should open up with our main character, a thirty something year old who is down on his luck. Fired from his job, no girlfriend, broke as hell... the works. He decides to go back to college to try and improve his situation. (This should all be explained quickly and without a lot of fluff.) He is paired with the roommate that no one else wants. He is a college age student that is kind of weird, a little out of touch with the real world, but very intelligent. Our main character will make a quick connection with another student. This one is kind of a troublemaker, but very intelligent. Perhaps our hero can save him or her from some situation (such as getting suspended.) They would meet because they have a class together. This new character might have to be the opposite sex from the main character as to spark a romantic interest to give further motivation for helping them out. The troublemaker character would not be grateful though and would walk away.

Establishing the characters needs to happen very quick. We don't need an origin story. We just need a flavor for each of the four new Ghostbusters and let the audiences imagination fill in the rest. Also any romantic tension between opposite sex characters needs to never (I repeat never) come to fruition. This is not a romantic comedy. Play the tension for laughs, but do not let two Ghostbusters get together. (Look at how Guardians of the Galaxy did the romantic tension between Starlord and Gamora for an example.) If you must let them get together, (because this is Hollywood) than suggest it at the very end of the movie (similar to how the Peter Venkman and Dana Barret relationship plays out,) but never confirm it.

The fourth Ghostbuster should be a random student thrown into the mix. Our main character and his roommate will have the same Physics class taught by Professor Ray Stanz (Dan Akroyd cameo.) They will be put into lab groups, with the two roommates obviously working together out of necessity of not knowing anyone else. The main character would rope in the troublemaker (perhaps due to his/her sexual interest in them,) and the fourth member would be just a new face. He/she could maybe be a little dumber (but not Hollywood idiot dumb,) but maybe they are a smooth talker, a snake oil salesman. It would be during a late night research session in the library that the four characters come across their first spiritual encounter. The library would be a good and appropriate place for this to happen. This would spark the interest of one of the group, possibly the main character, which would lead them into research about paranormal activity in New York. Now we get see them come across research of old Ghostbusters' footage and newspaper clippings. This leads the group to the realization that their professor was once a Ghostbuster. 

Still better graphics than the CGI on The Mummy Returns.

Fast forward to them talking with Ray who is reluctant to talk about the Ghostbusting days, but does so anyway. This gives our heroes the idea to bring back the Ghostbusters as a way to make money to pay off their student loans and debts. Ray is reluctant, but eventually shows them the original proton packs, but refuses to let them use them. (You know because they are unlicensed nuclear accelerators and all...)  Our four new heroes eventually steal them and use them to trap the library ghost, which convinces Ray that maybe it is time for the return of the Ghostbusters. Montage scene of establishing the business (creating a Facebook page, a Twitter account, and buying a rundown building with the last of the main character's life savings) and the Ghostbusters are back in business.

I am undecided if the new Ghostbusters should return to the firehouse. Realistically that property would be waaay out of their price range in modern New York City, especially considering its prime location in the downtown area. In fact, the movie can even make a joke about how expensive it is, and even give the building a cameo, but not settle on it. Another possibility (and this is unlikely) is a cameo by Bill Murray who still owns the Firehouse and has tried to use it to make money over the years (turning it into a night club or a Ghostbusters museum,) and is willing to let the new Ghostbusters use it for a price. Also I want the next cameo by Ernie Hudson to be as Winston, who now owns a car dealership or automotive repair garage. (The irony being that he is the most successful of the original crew.) He has kept Ecto-1 preserved in his lot. The new Ghostbusters will use it and restore it.

This should all happen very quickly. The Ghostbusters need to be in business by the half-hour mark of the movie. The remaining seventy minutes of the movie need to be devoted to pure ghostbusting and the eventual big bad Zuul/Gozer demon-spirit that is steadily rising to power throughout the movie. The Ghostbusters will eventually have to stop it and just like in the original movies the movie should end with some big ridiculous thing happening (the rise of Staypuff Marshmallow Man, or the Statue of Liberty walking through NYC.) Basically, the formula for the movies is sound and its been thirty years since we have seen a new movie, (so there is a very low risk of a formulaic plot being seen as stale.) I don't think there is a big need to change up much else. Even the classic CGI look of the ghosts feels pretty good even three decades later. This is definitely the case where too much tinkering would be a bad thing, and besides maybe updating the jokes and establishing the cast as their own characters I don't see much need to mess with a winning format.

On that note, let's just touch on casting real quick. First off, I don't want our new cast to be big name celebrities or comedians. I don't want to see a Melissa McCarthy, or James Franco, or Michael Cera, or anyone who has been in Brides Maids, The Hangover, etc... stepping into these roles. Remember that even though in the early 80's Bill Murry was a rising star, this was not a Bill Murry movie. So the last thing I want to see is Ghostbusters III becoming a Seth Rogen movie.

I can see this working

However, having some minor star power would not be amiss. For one thing, I see our main character as being played by Bill Hader. He has the right amount of funny and recognizableness without overpowering the movie. Also he has the Saturday Night Live connection which harkens back to Akroyd and Murray. With that said though I don't want to see an all SNL cast, nor do I want an all male/white cast. This is modern 2014 New York, the most racially complex city on the planet. The Ghostbusters should be similarly multi-racial, (and not with just one token black guy who gets way less screen time, either.) Additionally, I would not be remiss if we found out one of the new Ghostbusters was gay/lesbian. As the Ghostbusters of old reflected the sensibilities of the their time, so must the new Ghostbusters reflect the sensibilities of today.

Most of all, though, we have to remember that this movie is supposed to be fun. Obviously, I have no real control over if/when/how/what this movie will be (nor do I believe that anyone who would be penning this script will ever stumble across my blog,) but I do hope they keep at least that one tenant above all else true. This is a fun comedic movie. It is not a summer blockbuster, nor is it a place where we should try and cram as much advertising and revenue into it as possible (al la Man of Steel,) though I doubt Hollywood will be able to resist that one. Ghostbusters at its core was always about giving the audience an hour and a half break from their lives to laugh and enjoy the antics of four of the unlikeliest heroes, and that is something that cannot be missing from whatever the next Ghostbusters project is... At least that's my advice. 

An Icy Challenge

Cap took the challenge to a bit of an extreme.

Last week, I was challenged by my dear friend Shawn to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, the craze that has been sweeping the Intra-Webs for a solid six weeks. For any of my readers not living on planet Earth, the Ice Bucket Challenge is where you video record yourself dumping a bucket of ice and water over your own head. You then nominate friends and family to do the same. They have 24 hours, or they have to donate to the ALS Foundation, (For anyone curious enough to ask, I donated,) which in my opinion is the curious part of this whole damned thing. I don't quite understand why anyone would dump freezing water over their heads to get out of donating to a worthy cause.

Now I don't want to come off as a "hater," (That's a technical term here.) I can't discount the good that the Ice Bucket Challenge has done to raise awareness of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, or all the money it has raised. In fact between July 19th and August 18th, the foundation has reported receiving $15.6 million. That's no small sum of money for an organization that usually only nets a few million in a year. Yet throughout this whole thing  have found myself feeling conflicted.

For as much good as this Internet craze has accomplished, I find myself questioning a society where it seems that the only time we can accomplish anything worthwhile is through the use of an elaborate selfie. Why is it that we need to advertise our good deeds on Facebook, Twitter, (or on a blog.) The Internet and social media is a powerful tool, but it isn't the only tool we have at our disposals, nor does it give us license to celebrate our good deeds for the world to see. If the only reason you accomplish something good is so that it can be "retweeted" or "shared" than it's probably time to wonder if you are performing a good deed at all, or are you just looking for digital accolades.

Perhaps that sounds harsh, and I can see why it might, but I have always believed that the greatest deeds were the ones performed in the dark. You do something because it is the right thing to do, not because you are looking for recognition or a reward. Yet, in today's social media culture such quiet moments of solitary heroics are becoming rarer and rarer. When everything from your lunch to your workout schedule is being posted, perhaps it is unreasonable for me to assume that people would not post updates about how they helped that old woman across the street or gave a sandwich to that homeless man on the corner. Then we can all give it a thumbs up, and tell that person "Ur G8T," or "Way 2 Go," or "Ur the the most selfless person I know."

Accept the praise and the cheers when you deserve it, when you have accomplished something truly remarkable, but not for the good deeds you do. Those, by definition, should be unremarkable. We should all want to live in a world where donating money, helping a worthy cause, volunteering, etc, goes wholly unnoticed, because of how commonplace they are. The Ice Bucket Challenge is not as bad as all that. It is fun, and it lets the more creative among us really show off our flare and individuality. Maybe the ends do justify the means on this one, but, in my opinion, in a world where so much of what we do is constantly being recorded, labeled, tagged, and uploaded, it makes those quiet moments of small heroics all the more important.

It's chilly when you step down off that soap box.

Hooked on a Feeling

(I know this review is a little late, but a lot has been happening the past week, and I felt obligated to bump it due to the lose that we all recently suffered.)

For anyone who has not seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet, I say, "What!?!" But I know what you're thinking Mrs. Rhetorical Device I Am Using To Make A Point, ("I Am Using" was her maiden name,) "Its just another Marvel movie. I'm not in the mood for superheroes."

First off, you used "Its" improperly. You used the possessive form, meaning "of it." You should have used the contraction "it's" meaning "it is." Secondly: No. Guardians is more than just some superhero movie. It's a space opera in the vein of the original (i.e. the good) Star Wars. Sure it takes place in the Marvel Cinematic Universe but the Guardians of the Galaxy are as much like the Avengers as the Three Stooges are like the Three Tenors, and that is the genius of Marvel.

Marvel Studios has a winning formula. A) Take a recognizable comic book hero (Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, etc) and translate them semi-faithfully to the big screen. B) Slap a Marvel logo on it. C) Put a stinger after the credits that (may or may not) star Samuel L. Jackson. D) Rake in billions of dollars. E) Repeat ad infinitum.

Except they didn't follow Step E. Instead of playing it safe and giving us another predictable superhero story, (and don't get me wrong I love predictable superhero stories. After all, I own Daredevil on DVD,) Marvel took a risk. When Guardians of the Galaxy was announced even hardcore comic fans went, "huh?" and then immediately went to Wikipedia to read up on the who the heck they were so that they could answer the inevitable questions of their normie friends. Marvel could have given us Thor 3, or Black Panther, (which I am still hoping for,) or even Robert Downey Jr. Eats a Sandwich, and they would have made billions of dollars (see formula above,) but they didn't. They took a risk and for that I love them even more.

When most movie studios would just try to ride the high of their success until it inevitably crashed them onto the rocks of repetition, Marvel has realized something that other, more well establish, movie studios can't seem to get, "Keep it Fresh." There is this trend in Hollywood, where if one movie makes a lot of money, everyone should hurry up to make the exact same kind of movie and get there piece of the pie. They did it with Asteroids and Asteroids, the White House and the White House, and now even Hercules and Hercules, and most of those aren't even good films. More broadly they overdo genres until audiences are sick of them, disaster films, horror films, and whatever the hell Michael Bay decides to slap his name on. Transformers made 709.7 billion dollars, so let's make a GI Joe movie, and then a Ninja Turtles movie. For instance, (I'm not making this one up,) since the Lego Movie, scored it big at the box office, a Hot Wheels movie has now been fast tracked by Warner Bros. as well as movies that will be based on Ouija, Candyland, Monoply, Tonka Trucks, and even Peeps (yes those yellow disgusting Easter candies.)

What Hollywood doesn't get is that the Lego Movie made money, not because it was based solely on a beloved and timeless childhood toy, but because it was actually a good movie. It was witty, charming, funny, and it didn't take itself too seriously. Movie executives only see dollar signs, and by slapping a familiar look or brand name on a movie they know that they can make a quick couple of bucks, quality be damned, which is what makes Guardians of the Galaxy all the more impressive. In this atmosphere of repetition and death, Marvel has the ultimate brand name recognition at their fingertips, and instead they choose to go with a little known comic title and take a risk on a director whose credits include Scooby Doo, and Scooby Doo 2: Monster Island.

I like my ladies how I like my coffee... TARDIS blue

They let director James Gunn work his vision and his script and what we got was movie gold. Sure there were some small plot holes, but then you see a bald and blue Karen Gillian and for some reason the world seems right. I applaud Marvel for taking this risk. When other studios would be running out of ideas, they seem to just be getting started. Even Captain America: Winter Soldier (which was a guaranteed money maker) took some unusual risks, as the story read more like an espionage movie than a straight-up "save the world," superhero movie. It also seemed that the upcoming Ant-Man movie was originally very much going to be in this new genre bending trend, with it being billed as a superhero/heist movie, but with the departure of Edgar Wright I am taking a "wait and see" attitude.

Hopefully, this all means that Marvel is just getting started with what's to come. They are the studio that practically legitimized the superhero movie genre (before them it was just a fad.) Everything they have done has been copied by other studios, stingers, shared universes, etc. They could have sat back and just made a few more mediocre movies and trusted their name to make the money, but instead they took a risk, went out on a comic limb, and showed us what the future of comic movies could be. For that and so much more I love them. (Maybe DC can learn a lesson from their playbook.) With any luck the wit-and-styled feel of Guardians will be one thing that other superhero movies copy. It's time to start playing with the genre in fun and interesting ways, but all of that is for the future. Right now, I want to live in the present and go see Guardians of the Galaxy again. (And so should you.)

RIP

What do you say about a man that was so beloved by the world that all the best and most important things to say have already been said by all the beat and most important people? I never met Robin Williams, though I would have jumped at the chance, yet I feel like he is a part of me. My formative years came in the 90’s, and throughout that decade it seemed like Williams was there to be my friend and to teach me lessons and make me laugh. Whether he was dressed in drag, voicing an animated genie, running away from elephants stampeding out of a game board, remembering what it was like to be Peter Pan, or playing one of the numerous other roles that still brings a smile to my face, he was there. He was there too as a doctor, a teacher, an angel, a wise mentor. He was always there, and as a child growing up sometimes lonely, sometimes sad, sometimes the outcast, sometimes angry and foolish (as only a child can be), it was like he was there just for me. He was there to make me feel better, to tell me it was going to be okay, or that no matter how old you got you didn’t have to grow up all the way. 

The man was a genius, and by all accounts, the most sincere and wonderful soul you could ever meet. I have read story upon story from people who both knew him and only met him once, and each rings true of a man with a kind and genuine heart. He made others laugh, even if he was hurting inside. He, time and time again, took on the burden of making the world smile, carrying the morality of others on his shoulders, as one co-star wrote, even if it sometimes crushed him. My only wish is that I hope he knew how special he was to the world. I hope he knew how many lives he had touched. It is a rare gift to be able to make the world a better place, as he did, not with violence or power but with laughter and a joke. He was a comedian, an actor, a fellow gamer and nerd, a friend, an inspiration, and a father. 

 My heart and prayers go out to his children and his family. I cannot begin to fathom their pain, but they should take comfort in the fact that they do not mourn alone. The world seems grayer, and as I sit looking out on a rainy New York day, I can’t help but feel that even the heavens are weeping at the loss of such a man. Everyone, and I mean everyone, feels as if they have lost someone near and dear to them this week, and maybe that was the true power of Robin Williams. He wasn’t just some big time celebrity, he was more than that. He touched people on a more personal level. It didn't matter if he was playing to a room of a thousand or just one. He strove to make you feel as if he was talking just for you, joking just for you, smiling just for you. 

I will miss him, and I will be forever grateful for all those wonderful characters and moments of laughter and love he gave to a small lonely boy. 

Robin Williams 1951-2014
"Rest in Penis"

Because Japan...

Is this a toilet or the captain's chair
on the bridge of the Enterprise?

Whenever I travel to a new place, it always takes me a week or two, after returning, to feel like I have fully digested the experience enough to give people a full impression. (Except for, when you live in a place for a year.) Japan is certainly one of those places, and yet in a lot of ways it also defies my attempts to define it. It is a strange, yet inviting land, that embodies a lot of contradictions. The most common question I have gotten since returning to the States is, "So how was Japan?" Unfortunately, I never quite know how to answer that statement. I usually mutter something like "It was good, or it was interesting." A generic answer for a generic question, but it's more than that. Everyone already has their own ideas on what Japan is and isn't. (You know what I mean. In fact you're thinking it right now.) They have this misconception that it is a country full of robots and panty-vending machines, where the weird gets weirder, and the weirder get downright crazy. Those aren't really true, and yet they're not really false either.

For instance, the country is fascinated with technology, yet we could not find a single ATM that took American bank cards, and more than a few places that wouldn't take credit cards at all. Yet, the best story I can give to illustrate this point is when my friend (and traveling companion) Doug and I went to check into one of those capsule hotels. First off, the very idea of sleeping in an enclosed bubble-like capsule for the night is very appropriate for the country. It encompasses that right mixture of strangeness and brilliant practicality that rings true in many places of Tokyo. All you need is to throw in a dash of adherence to traditional customs and you got yourself a perfectly baked Japanese cupcake. Sure enough, this place delivered that with sprinkles on top. After lugging our baggage through two trains and eight city blocks, we arrived at the hotel which was located on the twelfth floor of a very tall building. (There are a lot of very tall buildings in Tokyo.) It was at about floor nine that Doug noticed a sign written in English that said "Guests are not permitted to own tattoos."

He pointed it out to me and we had a moment where we both dumbly stared at my leg, emblazoned in black ink with a stylish Captain America shield. "Adam, cover your leg."

Apparently Karaoke is a large problem in public parks.

I dutifully slapped my giant suitcase over my leg, hiding the offensive ink, and wondering why I suddenly didn't decide to wear long pants in the 90 degree heat of the city. The doors opened up and we hobbled our way into the main lobby, with me walking awkwardly in an attempt to keep my suitcase between us and the reception desk. Of course, that task proved much more difficult than first believed. Upon entering the hotel we were expected to remove our shoes, and then stow them in lockers about ten feet away. We weren't made aware of this until we had already stumbled about halfway to the reception desk. We were then forced to stumble backward to the elevator. Take off our shoes there, and then make another awkward march to the lockers, all the while I had to keep my 25 pound bag pinned firmly to my right leg. With that feat accomplished we finally made our way to the reception desk.

As we began the check-in process all around us men walked around in towels (and some without them.) The place held the heavy humidity of a spa or sauna, and the heavy decorum of a 1950's rent-by-the-hour motel. Finally, the woman behind the desk, (the only woman in the place,) spoke rapidly in Japanese to another man who came over and apologized several times before telling us that we couldn't stay there. "You're friend has tattoo," he said to Doug. "I am so sorry. This is Japan custom." 

After some argument amongst ourselves, where Doug refused to stay in the hotel without me, we both made our way back toward the elevator, but first we had to stop to get our shoes. I fumbled with the key in the locker and walked my shoes back toward the elevator and put them back on only to realize I still had the locker key in my hand. I then walked back toward the lockers, only to be yelled out that I still had my shoes on. So I walked back to the elevator, took my shoes off, walked back to the lockers, returned the key to the appropriate spot, walked back to the elevator, and then put my shoes on again. All the while, I still kept the suitcase pressed against my leg, as if I was suddenly ashamed of my tattoo, but Japan has that effect on people.

It has this way of making you feel like you are doing something wrong. Everyone in the city of Tokyo, dresses in formal greys, blacks, and whites. Even the cars came in only two colors, black and white. My companion and I were the only two people in bright colored shirts, as if to further mark us as "foreign." I've been in countries where I have been the only white person, the only English speaker, and even the only one taller than six feet, but I have never felt as out of place as I did sometimes in Japan. It was like everything I did sent up a flare declaring how worthy I was of a disapproving head shake from the locals. As an American Nerd I like to wear my differences proudly, but this felt different somehow, and for the rest of the trip I found myself contemplating long pants. We did discover later that tattoos in Japan usually mark people as members of the Yukuza, the Japanese Mafia, and that is one of the reasons why they were so restricted, which brings me to my next point.

I am not Yukuza, and I am pretty sure that guy at the reception desk knew that. He couldn't make an exception, even though it was a pretty safe bet that the six foot, two inch white guy with the Captain America tattoo was not part of the local crime gang, because in Japan rules are made to be followed. People wait at the cross walks until the lights tell them they can walk. They obey every rule, every custom, and don't risk doing anything that let's them stick out. I often compare Tokyo to New York, but I would not compare New Yorkers to Tokyoians.

Truly this is a land of plenty.

However, no generalization is completely true. Japan has their outcasts, their otaku, who wear crazy colors, get piercings and tattoos, and sometimes dress as outlandishly as they can. In fact one of my favorite nights was our visit to Akihabara, or Electric Town. It is the section of Tokyo set aside for geeks like us. There is a five-story video arcade on every corner, and the place is bursting with manga, anime, and video games. This was the one section of the city where everyone seemed to be dressed in colors, and where conformity mattered less than having fun. We even went to a multi-story store dedicated entirely to Nintendo, where each floor was reserved for a different generation of the console. (NES on the bottom, and Wii/GameCube at the top.) Akihabara was like Las Vegas for nerds. It even had women in stereotypical anime costumes handing out business promotions to men as they passed by. (Doug and I argued over what type of businesses they were selling, and the only English on the flyer I grabbed read "Forest of Dreams," which didn't help to settle what sort of establishment they were working for, but is par for the course in Japan.)

Even though I did not come across one used-panty vending machine (And there were a lot of vending machines,) there is an under current of fetishism to the outwardly respectful culture. In fact, the capsule hotel was a men-only establishment, because there seems to be a fear that drunk businessmen cannot handle being around women, so it is better to segregate them. I will admit that I did get a creepy uncle vibe while we stood there pleading our case as to why we should not be thrown out. Even our hostel had a strict curfew of midnight, and two separate wings, one set aside for men and the other for women. However, it's not like Japan is the only country with its perversions. The US has plenty of our own, and in some ways, we objectify women just as much as they do. (I'm looking at you Hooters.)

Located conveniently right next to the Voltron Bed & Breakfast

I also don't want to end this post by giving anyone a bad impression. I had an amazing time in Tokyo. We walked all over the city. We saw beautiful gardens and shrines. We walked through the Imperial Palace, we visited the craziness of the Tsukiji Fish Market. We visited a war museum and saw hand-crafted Samurai armor and swords, and even read fascinating personal accounts from kamikaze pilots. We ate breakfast watching one of the busiest crosswalks in the world, and we had some of the best seafood and freshest sushi that I have ever eaten in my life. And through it all, whenever we were lost, the people were never too busy to help point us in the right direction or to stop and see if we needed help. Because that is also part of the nature of the Japanese people. They are genuinely good, honest, respectful, and helpful people. I think we forget that sometimes. 

In the West we often like to paint Japan as weird, but the majority are not. They are just people, like you and me, who work, raise their families, struggle to find their place in our crazy world, and just want to be happy. When we hear the strange news and crazy things people do in Japan, most of those people are fringe elements to an otherwise respectful and amazing culture. That would be like if America was judged by the Tea Party, or by our reality shows, or by any of the other ten-thousand crazy things our people do, (and maybe we sometimes are.) What I am really trying to say is that it is hard to boil one place down to a single sentence that will aptly answer the question "So how was Japan?" It was amazing, dull, weird, boring, perfect, flawed, historic, modern, confusing, understandable, sexist, respectful, monochromatic, colorful, and so much much more. It is definitely a place I will be returning to, and a place I recommend to anyone. There is much to see and even more left to experience.

Nerd News: From the Promised Land

So I'm back from vacation and not a moment too soon, because every year in the late summer days of July, an annual gathering occurs in the City of San Diego that sets the world of geeks and nerds on fire. San Diego Comic Con has come and gone. Once again, I did not have the privilege of being able to haul my ass across the country to personally partake in the nerdy goodness, but I have been staying abreast of all the amazing updates and news thanks to services like Nerdist and Machima, and it is my solemn duty to boil down some of the more exciting announcements for everyone out there. So if you want to hear about my vacation to Asia, tune in next week, because right now it's time to dive into the world of SDCC14.

Game of Thrones Cast Announcements

As far as Con news goes this is probably pretty low on the geek totem pole, but it is one that has me personally excited. With Game of Thrones Season 5 getting ready to shoot the GoT panel announced what actors would be joining the show this year, with most of the new faces centering around the, so far unexplored, kingdom of Dorne. The cast member announcement that really gets my nerd sense tingling is Alexander Siddig, who played Doctor Julian Bashir on one of my fave Treks, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. He will be playing Prince Doran Martell, the ruler of Dorne, and the guy who is going to be a little bit peeved that the Lannisters killed his brother, Oberyn. Also the panel revealed a blooper reel of Season 4, which was cute.

Movies

In movie news, this looks like it is the year of the kaiju and post-apocalypses. Legendary films announced a slew of giant monster flicks including Godzilla 2, a King Kong prequel called, Skull Island, and Pacific Rim 2, (which I am personally excited for.) It has also led to some speculation that this could be the beginning of a shared movie monster universe, though that seems like nothing more than wistful thinking on the part of some of the more optimistic nerds out there. The real truth is that with the success of Godzilla, it is more likely that Legendary will try and milk this 85 foot city-destroying cow for all its worth. 

On the flip side, Con goers were treated to news that Sam "Let's all Forget Spider-Man 3 Existed" Rami is in talks to make a Last of Us movie starring Maise Williams (Arya Stark) as Ellie, with Naughty Dog on board and intent on keeping full creative power over the film. (Can anyone say Bruce Campbell cameo?) Eager fans were also treated to a full trailer for Mad Max: Fury Road, which was written and directed by original Mad Max creator, George Miller, and is not starring Mel "Crazy Pants" Gibson. However, the movie looks to be done with mostly practical effects and of course takes place in the wild red center of death that is the Australian Outback, so that alone is enough to get me excited. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For got a full trailer preview and it looks Frank Millerish enough to please. Also the Hobbit, and Hunger Games.

Lastly, again from Legendary, comes the movie Warcraft... yes, that Warcraft, which will be in theaters in March of 2016. The movie will tell the story of the origins of the war between the Humans and the Orcs. The small trailer that was shown to Con goers is of no or little help. It is mostly just scenes of Azeroth with narration. Apparently the movie has completed shooting, but there is so much CGI that is required, (because you know this is originally a video game with thirty years of CGI lore built in to it,) that no actual footage was ready for revealing at SDCC14. Personally, I am going to hold my opinions on this one, (which means I am immediately going to pass judgement.) I have doubts if whether the already mythos-heavy world of Azeroth is going to translate well to the screen in a way that will satisfy both casual movie watchers and every single gods-be-damned level 85 dungeon raider out there. Also the game of Warcraft was always more about impersonal armies, or very personal human-created avatars. Yes there are heroes and villains in the lore, but I think it's going to be hard to find a human aspect that is going to grab people enough to get them truly invested. Yet, with any luck maybe this will be more than just another money-making scheme by Blizzard to capitalize on their most popular franchise.

Television

In comparison, news from the television side of things is smaller but chock full of a lot of exciting things that will soon be coming to your small screen. First a full five minute preview of the upcoming Family Guy/Simpsons crossover episode was previewed and despite the fact that I haven't watched either show in about five years, I have to admit it looks pretty funny. The Walking Dead panel promised that Season 5 is going to be the best season yet, even promising to showcase more iconic moments and characters from the comic books. Season 4 had kind of a lull, so we will see if Season 5 can regain the show's momentum. On the Marvel front, Agents of SHIELD will be returning this September and they have announced that they will be adding Xena to the cast. Lucy "Don't Tell Sam Rami I'm Here" Lawless will be playing an unspecified role, (fingers crossed for Madam Hydra.) Marvel also let slip that their newest TV show, Daredevil, will be appearing on Netflix next May. Charlie Cox will star as Matt Murdock/Daredevil, and the show will air thirteen episodes. We will just have to wait and see if the Man Without Fear also makes any cameo appearances on the big screen as well.

Marvel

Every year since 2008 it seems like SDCC is dominated by whatever Marvel sees fit to to tease us with. This year has been no exception, with the exception that not all the news we got this year has been encouraging. Let's start with the good. Josh Brolin has been confirmed to be playing Thanos. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 already has a release date for July 28, 2017 (which is surprising because the first movie doesn't come out till this Friday,) and Con goers who were lucky enough to get through the vaunted gates of Hall H, were treated to the first look of footage from Age of Ultron, (complete with Hulkbuster Armor.) All of this seems to show that Marvel has no intention of slowing down anytime soon as they begin the launch of their Phase 3 in the next year or so.

With that said, let's talk about the signs that might mark Marvel's undoing. Ant-Man which hasn't even begun shooting yet, is having production nightmares. After the departure of director, Edgar Wright (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Shaun of the Dead) there are even more harrowing signs that this newest Marvel leap of faith could be a bridge too far. Peyton Reed has taken over the helm, a director best none for films like Bring it On. Now three more actors: Patrick Wilson, Matt Gerald, and Kevin Weisman have dropped out of the project for reasons yet unknown. Worst of all, filming is scheduled to begin next month, and by all accounts the movie still does not have a solid script. Edgar Wright seemed the perfect fit for this kind of project, dealing with a superhero whose main powers are shrinking and talking to ants would definitely seem to fit better with a more tongue-in-cheek type of tone, as opposed to that of Captain America or Thor. Perhaps, equally as telling Benedict Cumberbatch took himself out of the running for the titular role of Doctor Strange, leaving rumors of the Sorcerer Supreme to be played by either Jared Leto or Joaquin Phoenix. Most people expected a final casting announcement during the Marvel panel that never came, possibly because of Cumberbatch's withdrawal. On the surface these small things seem like small problems, but my biggest fear is that we are just seeing the beginning cracks in the armor that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (How fitting that Ant-Man might forever be remembered as the hero that brought down the MCU.) Could this be a telling sign of what may come? I hope not?

DC

The other titan on the SDCC floor is DC Comics, who, unlike Marvel, seem to always have mixed messages when it comes to their announcements. Despite the fact that DC failed to announce anything about their supposed Shazam, Sandman, (Stand-alone) Wonder Woman, or their Flash/Green Lantern projects, DC apparently blew Con goers away with footage of Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and though the footage is not yet available for the YouTube public, I can't help but feel (at least a little) hopeful. Maybe all the crap that I hated about Man of Steel (and I hated a lot of it) was for a reason. Maybe, all of that will just help lead the DC Cinematic Universe down some great path I have yet to foresee. Maybe, this will all be part of the journey of this new Superman, and because of it I will come to love him even more. (Or maybe DC has no idea what they are doing, and are really just grasping at straws to keep their head above water.) I suppose only time will tell. However, if the new Wonder Woman costume is any indication, than maybe (just maybe) DC is starting to right their ship and find their heading. Either way, with a costume this beautiful it would be a crime is Wonder Woman failed to get her own stand-alone movie... Well, let's face it, it's a crime anyway that that never happened.

This year's Comic Con news may not be as big or as flashy as some of the news we got last year, but there is a quality to it that promises hope for our combined culture. So stay tuned, True Believers, because with any luck, it just gets better from here.

Reviews No One Will Read: Hearthstone

I have been procrastinating on writing this blog, but for once, it's not my fault (at least not entirely.) You see a few months back I was accepted into the beta for Hearthstone, the newest game from Blizzard Entertainment, the company that brought us such titles as World of Where the Hell Did the Past Two Years of My Life Go, and Deckard Cain's Bogus Journey. Yet, Hearthstone is not your typical Blizzard title. It's not about finding loot, leveling up skills, or even sending your roided up Marines to their death against hordes of angry Zerglings. No, on its face Hearthstone is just a simple and easy card game, but much like the large pile of fast accumulating clothes in the corner of my room, there is something much more surprising hidden deep inside.

Hearthstone is Blizzard's attempt to break into the casual gaming market. It's the realm of gaming mostly reserved for birds with anger issues, social networking farmers, and some game where you pulverize pieces of candy and then pay money (for some reason.) However, unlike those other games it is done with a flair that is unique to the company who created such classics as Chess II: Chinese Chess. In five simple words, this game is addicting. It's so deceptively simple that you find yourself getting hooked in relatively no time. Built on the world of World of Warcraft, it is fun an colorful, and requires no special knowledge of WoW to play. There is a twist, because unlike card games like Magic: The Gathering, Pokemon, or that other game that wants to be Pokemon, Hearthstone offers nine different types of decks with nine different types of characters. You can choose from being a Hunter, Priest, Warlock, Shaman, Druid, Mage, Warrior, Rogue, or Paladin. Each character has cards unique to his or her own deck as well a special power they can use once a turn. For instance the Paladin can summon a 1/1 soldiers, but the Mage can hurl a one point damage fireball to any enemy or player they wish. These special cards and abilities are further enhanced by the presence of a pool of general cards which a player can choose from. It's hard not compare a game such as this to Magic: The Gathering, as both games use a pool of mana to play cards, but unlike MTG a player's mana pool in Hearthstone naturally increases by one point every level until reaching a maximum of ten. Additionally, with the exclusions of interrupts, instants, or other "play at any time" cards, Blizzard has created an equally infuriating and enjoyable experience by streamlining the game down to its simplest form.

Now, that is not say that there is not a lot of strategy and complexity involved. Each character lends itself better to a different play style. A Warrior will tend to be more aggressive, with many cards that utilize charge and weaponry, while a Priest may emphasize a deck geared more toward controlling the board and his opponent. Yet, even with that said there are a myriad of possibilities, tactics, and combos that can be made just by rearranging a few cards in your deck. Do you want a rush Druid or a direct damage Warlock? It may not always work, but the game will not stop you from trying, and better yet if you pull it off you're going to surprise the seven hells out of your opponents, and really isn't that what's it all about? Creatively beating some poor sap into submission with a combo of cards he or she never saw coming?

An example of a game that can still go either way and leave one player
kicking in his computer tower with impotent rage.

Ultimately, there is no other point of the game except to beat whatever poor schmuck you get randomly paired against. It's not like Diablo III where there are side quests (there are daily quests, but that's not the point) or monsters to slay, with the occasional interaction with other players. No, Hearthstone is more akin to the PvP arena in WoW, (and we all know how calming of an experience that can be.) It's competition at its most basic level. You see, as fun as the game gets it won't be long before you find yourself wanting to put your fist through the drywall because some jerk on the verge of death pulled out an amazing epic card that saved his half-charred butt at the last second. Of course, sometimes you will be that jerk and then you may find yourself putting your fist through the dry wall in exhilaration, (On a side note, I just realized I'm probably not getting my security deposit back on my apartment,) and that is where Blizzard gets you. Hearthstone is a lot like gambling in that you quickly find yourself getting swept up in the highs and lows of this deceptively simple game. The analogy is only enhanced by the fact that you also win coins for completing quests or winning consecutive games. You can then use that gold to buy new cards or to pay entry into the arena, where you are literally competing for more gold.

I'm not saying this bad, but I am saying it is genius on the part of Blizzard. It is also the reason why I can no longer write on the same computer that Hearthstone is installed on, because I can't resist playing "just one more match." You see the games last less than fifteen minutes, so they don't feel like they are eating up your day, but after four or five games you look up and realize an hour has passed, your pizza is laying burnt in the oven, your loved ones aren't talking to you anymore, you haven't showered for days, and you haven't posted a blog in two weeks. Unlike WoW, where, when you log onto the game, you have the expectation of wasting several hours, Hearthstone's format and quick succession of games can eat away your day before you realize it. This is a testament to the power of Blizzard, and a trouble for the rest of us that are trying to get work done. Even worse, with Hearthstone coming to tablets and phones, I don't know if there will be any place that will be left for me to hide.

Overall, it's hard for me to find anything particularly bad to say about this game, other than its addicting properties, (but you expect that with any title released by Blizzard.) Perhaps, some of the epic cards are a bit overpowered to the point where they can destroy even the most creative and effective strategies of an opponent, but I would also have to say that is kind of the point of epic cards. If you are looking for a fun casual game to fill time in your life, download Angry Birds, but if you are looking for an epic card game that allows you to harness a world of endless card combinations, creative strategies, and lets you compete against other players then Hearthstone is for you. It is a game that has something for video and tabletop gamers alike, and best of all you don't even have to expend brain power to keep track of hit points and mana costs. 

I give it 8.5 Billion Stars out of 10 Billion Stars. Download it for free and say goodbye to the next few weeks of your life. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to... something else I was doing.

[I will taking the month of July off, as I will be visiting Asia. I promise I will have plenty of embarrassing stories and halfwit observations when I get back, so stay tuned, my friends. It only gets better form here.]