Rewrites: Gotham

[Okay, here is my disclaimer. This has been a post I have worked on (on and off) for about six months now. This is still a pretty rough outline of my thoughts on improving the third movie, and the important dialogue would need to be written by a better person than me. So, I am going to give a little credit to Nolan on this one. Writing a satisfying conclusion to his Batman trilogy is pretty hard, but let's face facts... he phoned it in. You can have Batman carry a giant nuclear bomb out to sea and call it an homage all you want, but it's still more Adam West than Frank Miller.]

Nolan's mistake was that he drew inspiration from the wrong comic books. He based his movie on the comics like, Knightfall and No Man's Land, both of which are classics, but what he should have looked toward was the Batman comic Prey as well, especially in it's choice of villain, Hugo Strange. It's a more befitting storyline and would even let Nolan throw some nods to fans of the comics without crossing over into the realm of "generic prison pit in some desert." You even could have kept similar casting, as Tom Hardy would have made an impressive Strange.

Gotham

It has been eight years since the death of Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) and though crime and corruption in Gotham have improved, the rise of super-criminals has made life in the city difficult. Many blame Batman (Christian Bale). The prologue begins with Edward Nashton aka "The Riddler." (James McAvoy) escaping from prison though an elaborate ruse.

The story opens with Batman disrupting a police sting operation by shaking down a known drug dealer called "The Mad Hatter," a known associate of the Riddler. The young sergeant in charge of the sting operation, Richard Grayson (Joseph Gordon-Levitt,) tries to apprehend Batman before he can escape but fails. The next morning, Mayor Anthony Garcia (Nestor Carbone) calls a press conference to announce that he is assigning the prominent psychologist, Hugo Strange (Tom Hardy,) to help Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) apprehend the Batman. The doctor is given the authority to use any resources at his disposal and he immediately starts an active recruiting program, brining in police that are loyal to him. Strange was formerly lead psychologist at the Arkham Mental Asylum. Behind closed doors Gordon is incensed by the move, but the mayor threatens to replace him due to his slow progress in apprehending the Batman. Gordon is forced to obey and gives Strange a task force of police led by the newly the promoted detective, Richard Grayson.

Batman returns to Wayne manor demoralized by the morning's press conference and his failure to locate the Riddler. He is greeted by Alfred Pennyworth (Michael Caine) who dotes on him like a father. Alfred is looking older and tired. He reminds him that Bruce Wayne has been invited to the mayor's dinner party, a party where Dr. Hugo Strange will also be in attendance. At the party Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway) manages to slip in, dressed as part of the wait-staff. Using the fingerprints off the Mayor's champagne glass she breaks into the private safe in his office. She steals a jeweled necklace, replacing it with a small cat statue, and then begins copying an external hard drive that is also contained in the safe. Meanwhile, Strange makes it a point to chat up Bruce Wayne, asking him some uncomfortably probing questions. To escape, Wayne leaves the room under the pretense of being drunk and needing a bathroom. Once beyond the noise of the party he discovers Selina in the mayor's office. Interrupted form her work, the two have a brief flirtatious confrontation/fight before she escapes out the window, the mayor and Gordon come in moments later to discover the break-in. They incorrectly assume that the stolen necklace had been the target. Wayne does not tell him that Selina's real purpose had been photographing the files.

Later that night Batman and Gordon meet in secret, to discuss the disappearance of the Riddler. Both agree that it is odd that the man as not yet contacted them with a clue as to his whereabouts or intentions. Gordon reveals that thanks to the mayor's influence most of the Gotham police's resources are being devoted to the hunt for Batman, and the escape of the Riddler from Arkham has barely registered. Gordon then urges Batman to let him tell the truth about the fate of Harvey Dent, but Batman once again refuses. Both are unaware that Grayson is watching them from an adjacent building. He takes the evidence to Strange. The two talk, but unbeknownst to Grayson, Strange slips something in his drink. Grayson reveals that he was orphaned after the death of his parents, and that he became a police officer because he wanted to serve justice in their memory. Strange compares his quest for justice to that of Batman's as he believes that the Dark Knight suffered a similar tragedy as a child. He also suggests that Grayson could be as good if not better than Batman, and under the hypnotics laced drink the detective begins to agree.

After Grayson leaves, Selina Kyle arrives and hands Strange the flash drive containing the photographs. The two remark that Selina did not receive all the data that Strange requested and she should keep the necklace she stole as payment. The thief balks at the offer, saying she wants what was promised her, a clean criminal record. She threatens to expose everything Strange has been doing if he fails to deliver on his agreed upon payment. Strange agrees but once she is gone he adds her name to the list of wanted criminals. Days later the bugler known as the 'Catwoman' is linked with Batman and labeled a priority target by the GCPD and the mayor's office. There have also been numerous reports of a costumed-man savagely beating criminals, with witnesses claim the attacks to be the work of Batman.

Meanwhile a dead body with a question mark carved in it, finally surfaces with a puzzle clue marking the next victim. The clues lead Batman to the Iceberg Lounge, a criminal establishment run by Oswald Copperpot (Philip Seymour Hoffman, [this was written before his untimely death]) where Wayne goes disguised as a low-level criminal named Johnny "Matches" Malone. In the midst of his investigation he gets sidetracked by Selina Kyle who he catches in the act of pickpocketing Copperpot. He saves her from discovery by asking her to dance. She refuses to explain her actions and the two are interrupted by Grayson, now dressed in a homemade outfit and calling himself Nightwing. The criminals in the lounge immediately try to take down the masked vigilante, but are soundly defeated by Grayson. In the confusion Wayne disappears and Selina flees. Grayson follows her, recognizing her as the Catwoman. As Selina tries to escape she comes across a now dead Mad Hatter, a question mark burned into his flesh, and a ticking bomb attached to his chest. Grayson ignores the threat and continues trying to fight Selina, until the arrival of Wayne, now dressed as Batman. He subdues Nightwing after a brief fight and orders him to evacuate the club. Grayson reluctantly agrees, recognizing the greater threat.

Batman and Catwoman are unable to diffuse the bomb and forced to escape as the Iceberg Lounge explodes. By this time the police have arrived, and Nightwing has disappeared. Batman and Catwoman are chased across the roofs by police helicopters and SWAT teams, but are able to shake their pursuers. Alone together on a dark roof, Selina reveals that she think Batman is a good dancer, acknowledging she saw through his disguise, and flirting with him. She also reveals that Cobblepot is working for Strange and she was trying to gather evidence to use against him. She is not certain what he is up to but for years he has been running Arkham and Blackgate as his own personal recruitment office, strategically authorizing the release of criminals to plague Batman and the Gotham police over and over again. It was the only reason she was released from prison, but she was promised a clean slate, a fresh start. When Selina turns back around Batman is gone and she is left alone on the roof.

The next morning Victor Strange is looking over the bank records and pictures that he has used to blackmail Mayor Garcia. Meanwhile he watches a TV where the mayor holds a press conference announcing that Commissioner Gordon and several other officers are suspended from the force due to their lack of commitment and possible collusion with the Batman. He also says that in light of the bombing by the super criminal known as the Riddler and the savage attacks perpetrated by the Batman, and other masked vigilantes like him, he is promoting Dr. Victor Strange to head of the GCPD and giving him full control over city resources, effectively declaring martial law until the Batman and those like him can be apprehended. The camera pulls back to reveal that Edward Nashton, The Riddler, is leaning against the wall of Strange's office. Strange tells him that he failed to kill Copperpot and now the 'Penguin' has disappeared back into the Gotham underworld. He reminds him that success was the price for his "release" from Arkham Asylum. The Riddler reminds Strange that once he has fulfilled his end of the bargain Strange will tell him the answer to the greatest riddle of them all, "Who is Batman?" Strange tells Nashton to be patient and that all will be revealed in the proper order, and that it is time to start Phase II.

Cell phones around the city ring saying nonsensical phrases. Even some video screens in downtown Gotham show the Riddler's face talking the same nonessential phrases. The video and a list of the words are spread out on the main computer in the Batcave as Batman and Alfred try to work out a pattern to the Riddler's scheme. Alfred remarks that perhaps the Riddler has become truly unhinged and has no overall motive, that he has become more like the Joker before his untimely death several years before. Batman disagrees, saying that the Riddler is always playing his own sick game and that game, no matter how far removed from reality always has rules and clear goals. Batman contacts Lucius Fox to gain access to Wayne Enterprises' satellite feeds and begins overlaying the words onto a map of the city, to discover that the clues point to several specific areas, most notably the bridges out of Gotham. 

While Batman works there is a ring at the manor's doorbell. Alfred goes upstairs to investigate and is greeted by four armed policemen. They barge into the manor and demand to search the place. Alfred argues with them saying that they need a search warrant. The cops get mean and start pushing their way through. They get close to finding the secret entrance to the Batcave as they ask to see Mr. Wayne.  Meanwhile Lucius, over the video link, tells Batman that an armed SWAT team has formed up outside of Wayne Enterprises. Batman switches over to the video cameras in the manor and sees the scene with Alfred playing out. He tells Lucius to get out and hide. Upstairs Bruce Wayne emerges, a bathrobe covering the Batsuit, and he plays it off as if he had just woken up, despite it being after lunch. The officers try to take Bruce Wayne into custody, but Alfred refuses them, saying they need a warrant. The scene gets violent and the police fire their weapons, Alfred is hit prompting Bruce Wayne to fight back, the bullets bouncing off the armor hidden beneath his bathrobe. The crooked police flee rolling a grenade back into the manor as they run. Wayne grabs Alfred and pulls him in the Batcave. The grenade explodes damaging part of the manor and the cave beneath it. As his faithful friend lays dying Bruce gets flashbacks to the night his parents died and the kindly butler who was always there to take care of him. Alfred finally reveals the truth he kept from Bruce about Rachel's intention to marry Harvey Dent, and begs him to let go of the past, and find happiness in life. Before he dies in his arms Alfred says that he could not be prouder if Bruce had been his son. Bruce responds that he is, then the old butler closes his eyes for the last time. Bruce rages, destroying more of the cave before finally collapsing in misery.

At Wayne Enterprises, Victor Strange steps off the elevator. He does not notice that one of the people in the lobby is Selina Kyle. She clutches a weapon behind her back, but waits to act. Strange is surrounded by police officers, and he begins ordering them to conduct searches of the sewers and to close off all the bridges of Gotham. The SWAT team meanwhile discovers a vault and Strange enters it alone. It is full of gadgets and spare batsuits that Fox had been keeping for Bruce Wayne. There is no sign of Lucius Fox who has slipped out via a secret exit and is helped to safety by Selina Kyle, who he convinces not to throw her life away by attacking Strange. With the police in place at the bridges, the Riddler sets off his bombs, destroying all the entrances and exits into Gotham City, and trapping even more police in the sewers of Gotham. The only police left are the ones hired and recruited by Strange himself, which he uses as a personal army. He also releases the Arkham and Blackgate prisoners (disguised as a prison break) who quickly carve up Gotham for their own.

Several days later there has been no sign of Batman. Many assume he is dead. Gotham becomes divided into territories controlled by various villains including Killer Croc, Black Mask, the Penguin, and Scarecrow. Other supervillians can be glimpsed during the scenes of destruction ravaging the city. The Riddler sets up a game show like courtroom where he tries the wealthy and the powerful, giving them riddles that they must answer to save their lives. The citizens of Gotham protest and try to rise up but are put down by Strange's police. Commissioner Gordon and his small band of police heroically fight back. The force now includes Dick Grayson who was saved by Gordon from being killed by a girl costumed like the late Joker and calling herself the Harlequin, (Kristen Bell.) Gotham is in chaos, cut off from the outside world, the mayor is dead, and Victor Strange is effectively in charge.

Grayson confronts Strange saying that he no longer believes Batman to be a villain and that he is regretful for the things that he did as the Nightwing. Strange tries to offer him another drink but Grayson refuses knocking the drink away and exposing the drug that Strange had been using to alter his perception. A concoction of the Scarecrow's, Strange admits. He also tells the young detective the truth about Batman and Harvey Dent that he had uncovered in his own interviews and investigation into the matter, that Batman is in fact innocent. He then tries to have Grayson killed but he's saved by Selina Kyle who helps him escape. The two then meet up with Lucius Fox, who brings them to the Batcave.

After walking through a torn up and bombed out Wayne manor, there the trio find Bruce Wayne brooding in the cave below, mourning the loss of the last person who ever cared for him. "I've protected so many people, but it's always the people I love that pay the price." While Lucius and Grayson explore the cave and fix what they can, Selina and Bruce share a tender moment where she tells him of how she grew up on the street after losing her mother, and that her mother's memory inspires her even today, as the loss of his parents inspired him. Yet he doesn't need to live in the shadow of loss, because as long as you continue you give their life meaning and by extension the life of those who loved them. The two share a kiss in the dark and then Bruce helps lift a beam off the Batpod, symbolically soldiering on. Grayson fills him in on what has been happening in Gotham, and Bruce says that in order to fight for justice they must be symbols of it.

Commissioner Gordon meanwhile is captured by the Riddler and his courtroom. Gordon is bombarded with riddles, but the most common one asked is "Who is Batman?" Gordon claims he doesn't know and the Riddler counters that Gordon is a competent detective, how could he not have discovered the secret, after all he has been allied with Batman for almost a decade. Gordon admits that he never investigated the mystery and even actively hindered other police who tried doing so. Grayson, dressed as Nightwing, saves Gordon as the commissioner once saved him. He defeats the Riddler by telling him the secret identity of Batman and answering his riddle, but by doing so he says that the Riddler has lost, because he couldn't figure out the answer himself. Nightwing also proves that the Riddler can't tell anyone the secret because if he does he will forever ruin the riddle. This drives Edward Nashton further insane, reducing him to a babbling incoherent mess, easily apprehended by the very police he had been keeping hostage.

Meanwhile Catwoman and Batman assault the Gotham Police Station where Strange is. They flirt over their radios while doing do. Catwoman driving the Batcycle creates a distraction and lets Batman sneak in from the roof. He finds Strange below, where once he sat as a small boy, a young police man named Gordon draping a coat over his shoulders. Strange's voice floats up out of the darkened and empty rooms, calling him Bruce Wayne. He explains that he deduced his identity through profiling and through several sessions with Coleman Reese (Joshua Harto) the former Wayne Enterprises accountant after he was mysteriously driven insane, which Strange implies he was responsible for. He also claims he has told no one, as he wanted to meet the Batman for himself.

Strange finally appears in person. He is wearing one of the batsuits, without the cowl, he recovered from the Applied Science division at Wayne Enterprises. He says that now that he has met Batman he has found him wanting and believes that he could a better job ridding Gotham of its filth than Bruce Wayne ever could. Once Bruce is dead Strange will clean up the streets and the city of Gotham will regard him as their hero, all the while he can control the criminal element. The two men fight. They seem evenly matched, especially with Strange wearing a bat suit using the spare gadgets he recovered from the secret vault in Lucius Fox's labs. During the fight the crooked police outside find themselves being assaulted not just by Catwoman but the people of Gotham, led by Gordon and Nightwing.

The battle between Strange and Batman comes to a climax when Strange manages to stab Bruce in the belly with a knife. Bruce collapses in pain as Strange taunts that he is stronger and smarter. Injustice cannot be stopped it can only be controlled through power. He taunts Bruce that he is a broken child, fighting for ghosts, trying to fill the gap of loss, to add meaning to a meaningless world. "You are beaten, Wayne." Meanwhile Batman drags himself to a pile of riot gear left abandoned by the police who formerly occupied the station. "Why do we fall, Strange? So we can learn to get back up." He pulls the pin on a smoke grenade filling the room with smoke. Strange panics unable to see and breath and this time it is Batman's turn to taunt him from the shadows, refuting the claims of Strange, saying life has meaning as long as we keep fighting. His words also tie the three movies together in a short yet inspirational speech which sums up the trilogy's meaning. In desperation, Strange opens a window to clear out the smoke, but it is too late. Batman is there, standing before him. He lands a vicious strike and Strange stumbles backwards out the window, landing with a crash on a police car below. he gives one last gasp of air then dies.

The fight in the streets come to a stop as people see Strange, now lying dead in front of them, dressed as Batman. Catwoman and Nightwing look up to the roof and the real Batman is standing there. He lights the old bat signal on top of the building to remind the criminals that Gotham is protected. A few people on the street catch sight of him before he disappears back into the shadows.

The story of Batman's innocence in the Harvey Dent murder is finally revealed by James Gordon during a press conference, after he is is reinstated as commissioner. The remaining criminals are rounded up thanks to the help of Nightwing who is being touted as a hero of the city. Order is eventually restored. Many people believe Batman is dead. The movie ends with Batman talking to Gordon on the roof of the police station. "You won't be seeing me again, Jim, but Gotham will always be protected." As Batman talks scenes show Grayson donning his new outfit and exploring the Batcave. "Who are you?" ask Gordon, but Batman replies that it doesn't matter. It never mattered, because Batman is not a person but an idea to inspire the good and scare the criminal. Anyone and everyone can be a hero, even if it is something as insignificant as giving your coat to a little boy in need. As Batman talks we watch scenes of Alfred's funeral attended by Lucius, Bruce, Selina, and Grayson. The camera centers on Grayson who looks down at the modest grave then back toward the manor. When he looks over Bruce and Selina are gone. In the last scene we seem in his costume standing on top of a building reminiscent of Bruce in Dark Knight, he looks out over Gotham. The voice over ends and the movie cuts to black.


The ending definitely needs work, but this is the kind of movie I would have loved to see. What do you think? What improvements would you have made?

NJ Turns Up Nose at the Musk of Tesla

Little Known Fact: In his spare time Elon
Musk is Iron Man, but with less alcoholism.

Tesla Motors is well named, and I don't think even they realized how appropriate their moniker was until they tried to do business in New Jersey. As Nikola Tesla was once exploited and cheated by Thomas Edison on the soil of Menlo Park, Tesla Motors has now found itself betrayed by the New Jersey Government on the carpeted floor of the State House.

Last week, my home state, New Jersey, banned automotive manufacturers from selling their products directly to customers, a move which seems almost exclusively aimed at Tesla who had secured an agreement with the Governor to put the issue to a vote in the Legislature (a vote that would have went in favor of Tesla). Instead, a decision was made in the State Motor Vehicle Commission that now makes the transactions illegal. The ban will go into effect on April 1, 2014. The NJMVC made a statement that all they were doing was reaffirming an already existing sanction, and that it was done for the "protection of the consumer." (However, the website for the re-branded DMV makes no mention of the rationale for the decision or how it will protect the consumer. Actually it doesn't even reference the decision at all, just important information, like the results from "Operation Facial Scrub.")

Kevin Roberts of the Governor's office further released a statement saying, "Since Tesla first began operating in New Jersey one year ago, it was made clear that the company would need to engage the Legislature on a bill to establish their new direct-sales operations under New Jersey law. This administration does not find it appropriate to unilaterally change the way cars are sold in New Jersey without legislation and Tesla has been aware of this position since the beginning." Because you know... every time a company wants to sell any product in New Jersey the burden is obviously on them to draft and a pass a law that allows them to do so. Or else it will be  the Self-Tanning Spray Debacle of 1986 all over again.

Whether such a rule of law existed previously to Tesla setting up shop in places, like the Garden State Plaza or the Short Hills Mall, I can't speak to, but whether the law is new or old it still makes no sense to me. If you are going to ban automotive makers from selling directly to the consumer than why not do it with bicycles, computers, hairbrushes, car tires, or any of the other hundred thousand thousand thousand products we use everyday. I mean if adding a middle man to the process is really for the customers protection, than why is Exxon Mobile allowed to drill oil in the Middle East and then sell it to me directly through their gas stations? Why aren't there gas dealerships too?

Maybe because this sort of law seems less about the protection of the consumer and more about the protection of those very self-same oil companies and car companies. Especially in the light that Consumer Reports rated the Tesla Model S top overall pick of any vehicle in the world, scoring 99 out of 100. On the other hand, Ford models only average about a 50 and BMW a 60. So how can this ruling be for the consumer's protection? It's not about quality, and it shouldn't be about price as we live in a free market society? Don't we?

You see gas companies and car companies, (despite their ad campaigns,) still aren't on-board with this whole, alternative energy "thing," because it is still cheaper to make gasoline fueled cars than electric ones, like the Tesla models. This means producing electric cars would cut into the profit margins of major car companies, and a large chunk of the profit margins of the oil companies. Also electric cars actually run longer and require less regular maintenance than gas powered automobiles, which means car companies lose out on the service end as well.

Tesla sells their cars directly to the consumer so they can control how their cars are being sold. Elon Musk explains it better in his blog post, "Auto dealers have a fundamental conflict of interest between promoting gasoline cars, which constitute virtually all of their revenue, and electric cars, which constitute virtually none. Moreover, it is much harder to sell a new technology car from a new company when people are so used to the old. Inevitably, they revert to selling what’s easy and it is game over for the new company." Thus if Tesla were to do business like Ford or Chrysler their cars would find themselves left in the back room to rot away with the Fiskers and DeLoreans.

Tesla store at the Garden State Plaza in Paramus, NJ. The store will
become a "gallery," after the MVC decision takes effect on April 1, 2014.

Granted Tesla cars range between $60,000 and $100,000 (putting them well out of my price range,) but that is not unreasonable, considering that the car gets more than 200 miles between recharges, and doesn't cost you a cent on gas fill up. The Tesla cars are the type of science fiction vehicles that the world has been waiting for, yet we still cling to our oil powered lifestyles, but why? Because companies like Exxon, Ford, BP, and others have a vested interest in not seeing companies like Tesla succeed. They would rather we stick to the gasoline guzzling instead of taking a leap forward to cutting down our bills and cutting down our pollution. That translates to lobbyists in the halls of our government doing everything short of electrocuting animals to make sure that those in power side with them instead of Tesla. Musk is not failing because he has a sub-par product, he's failing because his company have no money greasers in the State House.

New Jersey residents will still be able to purchase Tesla Motors vehicles online at www.teslamotors.com, and the actual purchasing of the cars is not the issue. It is the general frustration of such a blatant corruption. This sort of cronyism will be our downfall, because the men and companies with the biggest wallets always seem to win. They always seem to get the ear of those in charge before the little guy ever has a chance to even speak. More than anything this is what angers me, and millions of Americans like me. Government once again sides with the corporation, the bank, the business, and the conglomerate over the citizen and over common sense. The worse tragedy of all is that we don't even blink anymore. 

This kind of corruption of the system has become so commonplace that we expect it and tolerate it. The trains still run, the food still gets eaten, my doctor still over charges me on my co-pay, and life goes on, but what if it didn't? Despite what most people think, societies don't collapse because of one big thing. They collapse because of a lot of little things, feathers on the camel's backs. Rome didn't fall because it was invaded by barbarians (some of which were my ancestors,) it fell because political corruption and apathy led to a decay in the system. The only people that really destroyed Rome were the Romans and their own willingness to accept the selfishness and short-sightedness of their leaders. Sometimes I can't help but see parallels to those times and now.

Much like the under-appreciated Serbian-born inventor, the man behind Telsa motors has found his ideas road-blocked by corporate greed and insider tactics, not just in New Jersey, but all over the country. Elon Musk is incredibly ambitious. He has made this first feasible electric powered car, he has sent rockets to space, but his greatest accomplishment would be to cut through the corruption and red tape that surrounds the government. Only then will we all truly be able to move forward, but he shouldn't have to do it alone. We should all take part in demanding that this sort of systemic corruption be put to an end. Only then will we start to see the true potential of our future. I am sick of having selfish corporate interests put ahead of the betterment of all. After all, if we truly live in a free market society then don't limit Tesla. Let them compete fairly.

How Does Japan Do Metal?

Ozzy Osbourne just rolled over in his grave... What? He's not
dead?... You sure?... Has anyone checked his pulse lately?

The answer is that they they do it like they do everything else, kinda weird with a splash of cuteness. I am talking about an odd new trend called baby metal. A friend of mine who is now living over seas suggested that I investigate this new music styling, and I thought it might be worth a blog post. I'm always up for a challenge. Before I begin let me clarify something, Babymetal is the name of the band that started this genre, sometimes called baby metal or kawaii metal (cute metal.)

The band, Babymetal consists of three girls, Moa Kikuchi, Suzuka Nakamoto, and Yui Mizuno. Suzuka is the frontman (front-person?) She is the oldest of the group (she will be seventeen in December,) and from what I can gather this whole craze stems from her. In Japan, she was an Idol, a contestant on Japanese Idol which is exactly what you think it is. However, Japanese Idol is not like American Idol (from what I can gather,) as the Japanese version seems to feature various groups competing together. Those groups can then break off into sub-groups, (because you know... Japan.) For instance, Suzuka was a founding member of the idol group, Sakura Gakuin, which is the larger group. The girls in that group then formed so-called clubs, smaller groups, that still associate with the larger unit. One of those smaller units formed by Suzuka (or more appropriately her record label, Amuse, Inc.) was a heavy metal group that was named Babymetal, in 2010. (Also she changed her name to Su-metal when the group was formed.)

Now fast forward to 2013. Suzuka graduated from junior high school, and by the laws of Japan (or her record label... It's not clear which), she was no longer allowed to be in the idol group, Sakura Garkuin, because it was a group for just preteen girls. Don't worry she was given an appropriate graduation concert to celebrate the milestone. That also should have meant that she aged out of being in Babymetal, because that group was just a sub-group of Sakura Garkuin, but instead she said, "F#ck it," (direct quote) and the group broke away from its parent group, and kept on rocking, despite Suzuka's advanced age of sixteen.

The group's sound is a mix of American metal and Japanese pop, and the comments on their YouTube videos range from praise to hatred to perversion, (because you know... the Internet.) Comments like, "This isn't metal. This is sh*t," or "This is a disgrace to the throat-screeching/roaring heritage my forefathers fought for," often seem to be in direct competition with comments such as "This is the most awesomest thing that ever awesomed," and "This is my guilty pleasure," (which also may fall under the perverted category, for anyone keeping score.)

One of their hit songs, Megitsune

Really people (and by people I mean Americans) just seemed fascinated by this trend and those like it that come out of Japan. Hell the Internet holds the entire country up as some kind of mystical fairyland where anything crazy is not only possible but mandated by law. This is a complex image that arose for several reasons, most of which has more to do with us than our friends across the Pacific. After all, when we look across the ocean we see a culture that resembles our own: free, capitalistic, and modernized, but with a divergent history and culture hidden below its surface. It is a funhouse reflection where things look the same but still different, and the "other" dressed in westernized clothing can sometimes scare people more than Hitler wearing a bow-tie. However, the stereotype of what Japan "is" also tends to amplify anything like baby metal to absurd proportions for us poor confused Americans. In actuality it is not anything different than what we have in the US.

Stylistically, they fuse two genres together, but really that's nothing new. We have fused everything from rock to rap to country to whatever Kayne West claims to be today. This is just another link in that chain. Some people have a problem because the girls are very young, but if that's your gripe take it up with Justin Beiber, prepubescent Michael Jackson, or anyone at the Disney Corporation. If I am offended by any aspect of the trend of baby metal, it is that the aforementioned group is really more of a construct of a record company than any one single artist. The girls don't write their own songs, they are performers, which if you are keeping score is a formula they got from us, (because you know... America.)

We often like to point at things like baby metal or vending machines that dispense used panties and stare in anime-like-wide-eyed wonder at the Japanese, when the truth is that in Japan those are considered the same kind of societal fringe behavior that they are here. Its judging a culture based on what they put on the Internet. It would be like Japan pointing at America and saying we are all porn addicts with an unhealthy love of kittens and Jennifer Lawrence. Baby metal is as much a fad in Japan as pogs were in America. If you don't believe me, listen to someone who has lived there. I am an admitted admirer of Japan. It is a country steeped in culture, history, freedom, and sushi. It defines and breaks our stereotypes all the time. Also, once you listen to the songs a few times (as I have during the researching of this article) Babymetal is kind of catchy.

Chocolate, this may be my new favorite song.

7 Shows that Should be Made

NBC announced this past week that they will reboot Heroes, the only show in TV history that has the distinction of imploding into a pile of ash and debris quicker than the Death Star, (ironically, due to a singular fatal weakness, an inability on the writers part to plan for anything after the first season.) And much like the Galactic Empire, NBC has seen fit to try again on their ultimate planet destroying idea. Thus, barring an unexpected rebel attack, we will be looking at a 13-episode miniseries (read backdoor pilot) set in the Heroes universe. This once again proves that even though there are a literal infinite number of show ideas, spinoffs, reboots, and remakes that could be made by TV executives, it's easier to pull an idea out the trash than apply a little effort and make something new.

However, if you are a Heroes fan congratulations, I don't want to take away your thunder. However, if we are going to be resurrecting shows, I have a few ideas (both old and new) of my own which I think the networks might consider. (Firefly is not on this list, but it should be.) Buried in the following list I promise there is as at least one gem.

Star Trek

Let's start with a no brainier. Star Trek started on TV and it belongs on TV. The current crew is young, sexy, and most of them aren't big enough actors, yet, that they could afford to turn down a steady paycheck. After all J.J. Abrams has made it pretty clear that he's done with the franchise and has now moved on to ruining Star Wars. That means Star Trek is available and can be saved. This would be a good way to bring the franchise back to its roots, hour-long adventures that force the viewing audience to take stock of their place in humanity, while still being entertaining. I'm not saying we do away with the fun of the movies. You can still have the flash (and even the lens flare) on the small screen, but we can leave the over-the-top (popcorn) stories to the silver screen, and the studio would still be free to release movies after every few seasons. (It was a formula that worked for Next Generation.) As a bonus most of the sets have already been built, the studio would only needs to make an investment in whatever new sets are needed for the current season.This is definitely a prime time network show, like a 9 pm slot. So you know they could also cram as many commercial breaks into it as they want.

Why it Would Work: Star Trek has been a staple of TV since the sixties. Now the new movies (one good and one bad) have created a whole new generation of fans. This is a golden opportunity for the studio to prove the versatility of the franchise. Besides the last movie left off with the crew of the Enterprise embarking on its 5-year mission. Boom, TV premise set. You can even rehash old TV storylines for the modern audiences and combine them with brand new ones, all the while throwing in the angst of being sexy and young and in space. Its been too long since new Star Trek was on TV. So I say, let's boldly go where we have all gone thousands of times before.

ALF

ALF was a sitcom based around a strange hairy alien that crash landed on Earth and was taken in by a typical 1980's TV family. The show was as corny and awesome as that description might sound. It also never got a proper send-off, ending on a cliffhanger, with ALF being captured by the United States Air Force for "testing." And that is where our show picks up, twenty-four years later. ALF has spent the better part of two and a half decades with the USAF. He lives a relatively cushy life in a government facility, using his wits to basically get whatever he wants. Then something happens and ALF finds himself free of the facility, and on the run. He gets taken in by another Earth family, but this one is a little less 80's sitcom and little more Modern Family. ALF (who has been isolated form the world for almost 25 years) now all of a sudden has to contend with life on the outside of his luxurious prison, and all the comedic problems of a modern American family. (Does ALF get a smartphone? An online dating profile?.. The ideas are practically endless.)

Why it Would Work: ALF has never really left the pop culture subconscious. He pops up every few years in commercials or for cameos. Let's face it, of the original actors on ALF, he is the only one who ever got another acting gig after the show's cancellation. So there is a fan base. Also, by updating the look and feel of the show we can give it a real Modern Family, type vibe. ALF and cast can even talk to the camera (in the post-reality TV world humor stylings of The Office and Modern Family.) Call NBC and hire some snappy comedy writers and I think we got a Fall hit.

The Fresh King of Bel-Air

I know what your thinking, (wait a minute, you can't replace Will Smith,) and I want to reassure you I would never. What sparked this idea was that fact that I read an article (i.e. some random thing on the Internet) the other day that said that Will Smith is now the same age that Uncle Phil was when the Fresh Prince first started airing. That gave me a crazy idea, "What if hot dogs had cheese injected directly inside them," then I found out that Oscar Meyer beat me to that one, so I came up with another one, "What if we redid Fresh Prince except this time, Will Smith was the dad." Obviously he would never be Uncle Phil, those shoes were too big to fill, as were his pants (rest in peace James Avery,) but we can see how Will Smith (the character) has evolved from punk kid to successful (and rich) father figure. It's not even that big of a stretch. It would basically be a fictionalized version of (real-life) Will Smith's real life. We can give him a fake high paying pseudo-celebrity job like a news anchor or radio DJ and then watch how a kid from the streets of West Philly handles raising rich kids in Bel Air. I would even bet that Will Smith could come up with a few child actors who were seemingly born to play the parts of his kids.

Why it Would Work: Two words, Will Smith. As a teenager he was a driving force behind the last show that basically rocketed him to stardom. Now he can call this one his retirement gig and pass the torch onto his own kids, (which he has been unsuccessfully trying to do for years now.) However, I would argue that the focus would still have to remain mostly on Will, not the kids. And unlike ALF, the new Fresh King would not need a format change. We can cut the laugh track, but the Fresh Prince's penchant for wittiness and breaking the fourth-wall would fit right in with today's sitcoms. Added bonus, the original cast would be more than welcome to come back for frequent cameos, all excluding Carlton, who I would expect to be a regular on the show. (Will Smith needs Uncle Carlton to be his partner in crime.) Someone call Alfonso Ribeir's people... Do you think he is available?

Flash Gordon

Yes, I know it was briefly rebooted for one season in 2007, but that version was never quite up to snuff. It was made by Sci Fi, (not SyFy) back when that channel still had some credit to its name. However, it was very underfunded and felt a little claustrophobic. Channels like Starz or Showtime are always looking for shows to rival Game of Thrones, and this could be a good one. Throw a lot of money at it, limit it to to ten episodes a season, and you could get an intriguing, exciting, and sweeping story about the human named Flash Gordon who gets lost in an alternate dimension, trying to find his way home. Along the way he can get caught up in plots of intrigue, power, war, and frontal nudity. There is a lot of potential to make a show that has its own creative flare yet brings together elements of other shows and movies that audiences love so much. It would require massive writing chops on the part of the writers and producers, but they do have some source material to draw from. However, they do not have to remain completely beholden to that source material. The show would need to distinguish itself form the old campy serial feel, yet not be so over the top to as turn people off. It is a fine line to walk, but a happy medium can be found.

Why it Would Work: The show can do a good job of straddling that border of science fiction and fantasy, and yet bring something new to the table. Also, giving it adult themes and not pulling punches will help keep people interested. Even better the show has name-brand recognition, but not a large group of hard-core fans that will call for people's heads if something is off from the old TV show or movie. Deep characterization and a rich background world would be critical for success on this one.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Forget the campy/corny Sean Connery movie. I am talking a full ten episode-season based on the first volume of the acclaimed comic book series. A group of literary superheroes are brought together by a mysterious figure to stop an equally power literary villain from destroying London. One-part superhero story, one-part steampunk, this Alan Moore classic crosses genres in amazing and awe inspiring ways. It gets even better, because unlike my proposed Flash Gordon project the source material is both strong and rich in subtext and background. Moore has already laid the groundwork of a world where all our literary characters are real and breathing. Everything from Shakespeare to Lovecraft exists in this world as fact, but not so outrageous as to temper the seriousness and awesomeness of the series. This would also be a proposed project for an adult network, (HBO, Showtime, etc.) Alan Moore makes no PG allusions to murder or sex in his comics and the show shouldn't either. Drop all the unnecessary silliness and put back in the grit and danger of the comics. Then, all you have to do is hire some actors with real acting ability and you have a true recipe for success. This unique idea deserves a second chance to have some screen time.

Why it Would Work: The name recognition alone is worth its weight, but I promise that in an age where anything superhero or comic book is becoming blockbuster gold, this is the kind of project that the world needs. Better yet, this idea can be sustained. The second volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is even better than the first, and with other resources like the Black Dossier and the 1910's volume, there is more than enough to make this into a sustainable show. If Walking Dead proves anything, it's that comics (even non-DC or Marvel ones) can turn a huge profit when done right.

House of Winterfell

Let's switch gears for the next entry and talk spinoff. Game of Thrones has been a TV success story for the past three seasons and the fourth season will be even better, but the time between seasons is so long. Now I have a way for HBO to fill that gap, a spinoff/prequel series set in Winterfell. The one thing I always regretted was that we never really got a lot of time to see the Starks as a family. How they interacted, what they did together, what everyday problems did they face? Yes, we get a sense of all that, but I want to see it. I want to be a part of their challenges and problems with one another. We can flush out how much Catelyn really hates Jon Snow, or the relationship between Robb and Theon Greyjoy. We can also get a sense of what is going on in the North and in the Seven Kingdoms before the death of Robert Baratheon and the events of the first season. It would certainly deepen our connections to the characters and the eventual heartbreak we would feel at the events of the main show, but also I think it would just be kind of fun to watch the people that we love just be happy and alive together, as a family.

Why it Would Work: It wouldn't. I'm not a fool, of all the shows I suggest on this list, this is completely unlikely. It is just a fantasy of mine, (also an excuse to make the graphic I did.) The actors who play Bran, Rickon, Arya, and Sansa are way too old to ever go back and do something like this, so we would have to make it a cartoon format, which might lessen the serious tone of the entire universe. (you know Clone Wars-style.) Still it would be nice to get at least one season where a character played by Sean Bean wasn't killed.

The Secret Life of the American President

Has it ever struck you how sometimes American Presidents are kind of like the Doctor. Basically, you have a long list of men, mostly white, who seem to regenerate into someone else every four to eight years, yet they all seem remarkably similar, (mostly because they're bland politicians.) Sure there are a few notable ones, Lincoln always wore that hat and scarf, and Clinton was known to get a little too friendly with his companions, but let's take this idea a step further. What if the American president, in addition to his other responsibilities, was bestowed with the powers to fight monsters, protect the planet from the paranormal, and maybe even time travel (maybe). This power might also explain why President's age much faster than the rest of us. Also, the show doesn't have to be linear. We can go back and watch Washington fight British werewolves, or Andrew Jackson take down a chupacabre. maybe Kennedy wasn't really assassinated but died fighting a Communist robot, and the subsequent assassination was staged. Both tongue in cheek and sci-fi alternate history this show would be like Chuck meets the X-Files meets West Wing. This kind of show would be perfect for the History Channel. Hell, their definition of history has loosened up so much over the years you can fly a spaceship being driven by Nostradamus through it.

Why it Would Work: I would only ever expect a cult following of this show, but that following would be made up of crazy fans who dress up like sasquatch hunting minutemen and will start furious Kickstarter campaigns at the drop of any mention that the show might even be slightly threatened by cancellation, which it probably would be every twelve episodes. So we do the next logical thing, we attach Joss Whedon's name to it and badda bing badda boom we have ourselves a show, that will probably still be canceled, but at least it will make tons of money in DVD sales.

 

Eulogy for a Ghostbuster

Harold Ramis was an actor, director, writer, and of course a fellow human being, but some people may wonder why I would chose to memorialize a man I never met. After all he was just another Hollywood guy, right? Why should I be so touched by the lose of another actor? I didn't even bat an eyelash when Philip Seymour Hoffman died. I never spent an entire blog post going on about Nelson Mandela, not that he didn't deserve it, but Ramis was something special in my life. He wrote such classics as Caddyshack, Stripes, National Lampoon's Vacation, and the true masterpiece: Groundhog's Day, but what he will always be remembered for (in my mind) is his work on Ghostbusters, both as a writer and actor. That movie influenced me, which is a realization that I don't think I even thought about until I read the news of his death.

Ghostbusters was a hallmark in my mind, and it went beyond the Saturday morning cartoon, the Ecto Cooler, the action figures (I still have the ghostbusters' firehouse stored in my parent's attic,) to something deeper. Ghostbusters is the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater, (admittedly it was probably Ghostbusters II, because I wasn't even one year old by the time the first movie came out,) but going to that theater with my parents remains one of my earliest memories as a child. It was literally, the earliest nerdy thing I ever did. It was also pretty cool that the first movie my parents brought their young child to see was rated PG, (but for the record I was very well behaved and I promise I was not one of those children.) The sexual innuendo went over my head at the time, but that was fine. It gave me something to enjoy later, as an adult... I'm digressing.

To my child's mind the movie was perfection. It was funny, filled with action, and even a bit scary, but it was the good kind of the scary. It was the kind of scary where you knew everything would be okay, because as bad as the ghosts were, there were people who existed to combat them and keep you safe. That's a good feeling to have as a little kid. When I was scared at night in my room I used to look at my plastic proton pack, and it helped made me feel braver. If there were evil things that existed out there then I was sure that there were also good people who existed to fight them, (and not that I fully realized or articulated this at the time, but) it was a fact made even better because the Ghostbusters weren't highly trained experts, they were blue-collared guys, like me, and like my parents.

Memorial outside of Hook & Ladder 8 in Lower Manhattan,
the firehouse used as the Ghostbusters' headquarters. The
fire station also hung a Ghostbusters sign  on the exterior,
in honor of the passing of Harold Ramis.

I think that comes down the the crux of my love of Ghostbusters. That movie holds a special place in my heart, not just because it was fun and funny, but because it was a moment of bonding for me and my parents. The Ghostbusters represented the everyman who could stop all those terrifying things that go bump in the night. They weren't perfect, but that didn't matter. They were heroes who kept me safe, like my parents. My mom and dad aren't superheroes like Batman, ninjas like the Mutant Turtles, or even highly trained soldiers like the members of GI Joe, (all were heroes of my childhood.) They were just regular people who did the best they could given their circumstances, and when they told me everything was going to be okay, or that there were no monsters in my closet, I believed them. The world seemed better because they were there to protect me, and knowing that made me feel braver. Harold Ramis gave me that precious memory, that long lost day of parental bonding. Maybe that is why, when I read the news of his death, I was struck by it.

Yes it is true, that he and I never formally made the acquaintance of one another, but I am still grieved by his passing, (69 was too young, though comedically appropriate.) And, I don't think my situation is unique, as evidenced by the out pouring on Facebook. So that is why I choose to eulogize this legend of comedy. He may not have done the type of things that Nelson Mandela did, but you don't always need to be a freedom fighter to touch people's lives. Harold Ramis touched my life. Egon Spengler was a part of my childhood, a part of my relationship with my parents, a part of how I defined myself, (the heroic nerd,) and for that I will never be able to find the words to say thank you.

Ten Word We Need in English

I have had many careers in my time, but first and foremost the English language has always been my craft. I am a wordsmith, a grammatist, and a conjugate-keeper, if you will. I have both studied and taught the use of my native tongue, so if there is anyone qualified in any sort of way to offer suggestions for improving, I can't think of anyone better, (Well maybe Chaucer, but he's been a bit unavailable since his death in 1400 A.D.) So without further adieu (my favorite English word,) I give you my suggestions for new English words:

Gigil - Filipino

This word describes the urge you have to touch, pinch, or basically fondle anything that is cute and cuddly. I'm talking rabbits, puppies, kittens, etc. The only drawback is that it sounds too much like giggle or jiggle, (which is somewhat appropriate) so it would have to be pronounced like Ji-jil.

EXAMPLE: I have a gigil for that puppy.

Lagom - Swedish

There is no exact equivalent of this in English. It's when something is not too much of one thing or not too much of another. Something that sits in that sweet spot, not too sour or too sweet. It's like Goldilocks' porridge, just right. English speakers would probably pronounce it la-gom.

EXAMPLE: That movie was lagom, it had just enough action and just enough plot.

Layogenic - Ghanian

The word sounds more like an SAT word than it really is. It means a person who is attractive from far away, but ugly up close. (Good from far, but far from good.) What I really like about this word is that it makes a certain amount of sense, English-wise. It sounds like photogenic but ironically kind of means the opposite.

EXAMPLE: Here comes, Jenny. Try to keep a hundred feet back from that layogenic woman or you'll regret it.

Tartle - Scots

This one is just fun to say. It is meant to represent that moment of panicked hesitation when you try to introduce someone to someone else, but you have completely forgotten their name. It's meant to be onomatopoeic, but in English I think we could do a lot more with it, such as using it as a verb and a noun.

EXAMPLE 1: John forgot Sally's name, and here comes the moment of tartle.

EXAMPLE 2: Crap, I forgot Sally's name and I completely tartled that introduction.

Backpfeifengesicht - German

This mouthful of a word basically means a person's face that's worthy of being punched. (Yeah, you got to love the Germans.) However, I can't even begin to pronounce it and though I love the concept we are going to need to cut it down for practical usage. I propose we shorten it to backfef. Its simple, short, and even a bit harsh on the tongue, perfect for doing what the German language does best, express anger at another human being.

EXAMPLE: David is such a backfef. I'd love to knock out his perfect teeth.

Nunchi - Korean

A nunchi is someone who is very aware of their social surroundings. They are keenly aware of what the right and wrong things are to say in a given social context. They pick up on social clues and use them to their advantage, thus minimizing the risk of becoming a backfef. It is both a person and a social instinct.

EXAMPLE: Robert showed he was a real nunchi by having nunchi and not making that sexist joke in front of Karen.

Age-otori - Japanese

This hyphenated word of wonder has quite a simple meaning. You know that feeling when you go and get a haircut and afterwards you look in the mirror and you look worse than your did before you got your haircut? Well that is Age-otori, but for English we will need to bastardize it, (as we so often do.) So let's change it to ageo (pronounced: ag-eo).

EXAMPLE: Damn, that barber really gave you an ageo. You should get your money back.

Espirit d'escalier - French

This complicated French word describes the moment when you think of the perfect comeback for someone who has insulted you, only its like two hours later and no one cares anymore. This one will definitely have to be shortened as most English speakers (especially Americans,) can barely say croissant without hacking up a lung. So let's go with escalier, since it sort-of means bottom or after.

EXAMPLE: That's good, but it's been like ten minutes. Aren't you a little escalier with that insult?

Culaccino - Italian

This is just a simple word to describe something we see everyday, that little wet circle that gets left on a table after you move a drink. It baffles me that English has yet to come up with a concise word for that phenomenon/mess. The best we have is, "that wet circle that your cup left on the table."

EXAMPLE: Josh, use a coaster, you left a culaccino on my coffee table... again.

Desenrascanco - Portuguese

This is my new favorite word of all time. It basically means to jury-rig some improvised device or plan. It literally means to put something together from whatever you have lying around in order to solve a problem, (So yeah, McGyver.) it would need to be shortened. I like the sound of rascanco.

EXAMPLE: I have a paperclip, a cigarette, and a rubber band, but I think I can rascanco something up to get out us out of this locked prison cell.

BONUS WORD: Pilkunnussija - Finnish

Do you know someone who has to go out of their way to correct your grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc, even at the cost of their own popularity with people? Well you have just met a pilkunnussija. Now unlike the other words on this list, I don't think we should bastardize this word at all. After all, if someone wants to be an unpopular grammar Nazi, then they deserve every last Finnish consonant they get.

EXAMPLE: I know grammar is spelt with an "ar" at the end, you Pilkunnussija!

America the Ugly

Beat it! Beat it! Oh, God, beat it till it stops moving!

Far be it for me to beat a dead horse, (except if it is one of those undead horses that hungers for flesh, then by all means we should beat that hell-beast back to the fire pits of Hades from whence it came,) but after my long hiatus I have had a few things on my mind that I want to get off my chest, (mind-chest?) So with the fact, that this week Congress has basically announced that they will once again fail to move on any sort of meaningful immigration reform, it seems as good a time as any to look at the multicultural identity of America and the soft drink that is cashing in on it.

This year during the Super Bowl one particular ad seemed to blow everyone away, Coca Cola's America the Beautiful. I remember seeing the advertisement and the sum of my reaction was, "Oh, that's kind of sappy. Is there anymore pulled pork?" I barely noticed the thing, because by my standards the commercial was... well pretty standard. Scenes of American landscapes entwined with a rainbow parade of people and cowboy hats. Heck we might as well have had a bunch of celebrities come out and sing, we are the world... which probably wouldn't have bothered people as much, provided they sung it in English. It wasn't till the next day when I found out about the incredibly close-minded backlash people had against the commercial.

Twitter is both a blessing and curse, but sometimes more a curse. Not only does it give a venue and voice to any Tom, Harry and Dickish person who wants to spout nonsense and vileness, but it allows them to conveniently hashtag their idiocy so those those disparate voices can raise together, like a wave of crap that drowns out small villages and quiet pastures. Most of these Twitter offenders came off sounding more stereotypically bigoted than 90% of white men in a Spike Lee movie. (Is that statement racist, or just dated?) Worst of all, the news media (being what it is) further promoted the idiot speech by airing it on TV. I, however, refuse to repeat most of the trash said, but sufficed to say it was ugly, embarrassing, and filled with outrage over the fact that America the Beautiful was not sung in English, despite the fact that most of those offended Tweeters failed to use proper English themselves.

I could go on and talk about how people who make these kind of ignorant and hate-filled statements forget the principles on which America has always survived (freedom, diversity, immigration;) or I could bring up the fact that English is not our official language, (only 80% of Americans speak it as their primary language. The US has never had an official language;) or that English is not this land's first language either, (I'm sure the Navajo or the Cherokee were just as mad when our ancestors arrived and started singing their sacred songs in English;) or that the song itself was written by a lesbian, (I have no snide comment for that one. It's just kind of cool,) but instead I want to try and understand their fear... and yes it is fear.

America is changing radically, and that scares a lot of people, if only because the change is inevitable. By 2042 the US Census Bureau estimates that Americans that identify themselves as Hispanic, black, Asian, Native American, Pacific Islander, etc will out number the population of "White Americans," in the United States. According to the New York Times, Protestants are now a minority religion in the country, and a full one-third of people under the age of 30 no longer associate themselves with any organized religion at all. States are ratifying gay and lesbian marriages quicker than falling dominoes and now we even have two states that have legalized marijuana. Combine this with the fact that China is poised to take our place as the next global economic superpower and  the rise of joint-European power, anyone who clings to the old ideals of a 1950's-like America, has to be pretty freaked out. They can see the light coming at the end of the tunnel and as far as they are concerned, it's an onrushing train coming to shatter everything they believe and hold dear.

Because Dolphin-Americans have a voice too.

Progressives and younger generations tend to look at these people and laugh because it seems absurd that they would find fault with something as simple as a song sung in several languages in a soft drink commercial, but to the conservatives and the hold-outs its just another sign of what they fear, change. So they do what all humans do when confronted with their fears, they laugh at it, they mock it, they deny it, they stand stubbornly against it, and all in the hopes to minimize it and maybe even get it to go away. Unfortunately for them, its not going away. This change is more inevitable that that penny I get whenever I buy 99 cent milk, but that is fortunate for all of us whether we know it or not.

The United States will survive, not despite our multiculturalism, but because of it. Think about it this way: Thanks to our influx of immigrants by 2050 the 16 to 64 age group is expected to grow 42%, (that's about 350 million people) even when at the same time other developed nations such as those in Europe and East Asia will have more than a third of their population over the age of 65. In other words, when countries like China, Japan, Germany, Russia, etc have a majority of their population who is no longer able to work, America will still have a vibrant and young workforce. That's good, because with a large youth population comes not just a young workforce, but change, innovation, and the ability to make our world better.

America has always been a place of change and growth. Right now we are stuck in a cycle of anger and frustration, class inequality, immigration disputes, an entrenched political system, and so much more. (And, in a lot of ways, that tastes sourer than 99 cent milk.) Our very definitions are changing as we redefine things like marriage or copyright or patriotism, and that scares some people a lot, (and probably a lot of people some.) That is natural, but we need to find a way to cope with our fears instead of taking to social media to spew off the first nasty thought that comes to mind. That serves no other purpose than to cast a shadow on all of us. We will continue on and we will continue to prosper, believe it or not. It's not an easy road in front of us, we have a lot of work to do and more than a few fights ahead of us, but also some joys, and one of those is the joy of a refreshing Coca Cola, because regardless of what side of this argument you are on, let's face it, Coke is the winner. We are still talking about their commercial, after all.